The Meaning of Family: Akatsuki Style
by ForgetfulDaffodil
Summary: They are destructive, volatile, a little insane, and they have no filter. This isn't your average family sitcom, these people need help.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One: Konoha**

* * *

 **These are just shorts that I started on awhile back and decided to put them here, no use having them sitting in the back of my computer for all of eternity.** ¯\\(ツ)/¯

* * *

''Konan and I will be traveling to Konoha, We will be gone for two weeks.'' Nagato announced.

''We're not going, un?'' Deidara asked.

''You all can't act productivley when we leave the base together.'' Nagato glared.

''That's not true! We are _very_ productive when it comes to leaving the base.'' Karin argued.

''Maybe in sets of two or three, but as a unit, you all are _destructive_.''

''We don't even go out as a group that fucking much!" Hidan spat.

''And now you see why.''

''We can't be that bad,'' Kisame said. ''I know a lot of us argue and fight... I see where you're going with this.''

''Way to argue our case _Shark Bait_.'' Suigetsu piped up.

''Shut up you moron!'' Karin slapped the back of his head.

''Hey!" He whined.

''You guys are just proving his point.'' Obito pointed out.

''Zip it _two-face_!'' Suigetsu snarked.

''Leave Obi-Nii's face out of this!'' Sakura jumped up and slammed her hands on the table causing a long crack to form down the middle.

''Sakura, calm down.'' Sasuke pulled her back into her seat.

''But...''

''There's no point in arguing Sakura, It will just drive us away from the topic at hand.'' Itachi said.

''I, for one, don't care nor want to go.'' Kakuzu said as he continued to re-count his money.

''Can't you put that shit down for one fucking moment?'' Hidan yelled. ''You counted those fucking useless pieces of paper _ten fucking times already._ ''

''I'm sorry, Am I not giving you enough attention? Too damn bad, now shut the hell up! You made me loose count.'' The miser shot back.

...

''That's it! Bring it bastard!'' Hidan tackled Kakuzu.

''Please stop!'' Jugo tried.

Zabuza just scoffed at the scuffle to his right. ''You don't want us to embarass our organization in front of Konoha's Hokage.''

''Essentially?'' Konan raised a thin blue eyebrow. ''Yes.''

''Wow.'' Obito scoffed.

''That's fucked up.'' Hidan said from under Kakuzu's foot.

''Look at all of you, you fight _constantly_! And Naruto isn't even awake for this meeting!" Nagato pointed at the whiskered blonde.

His head was tilted back against his chair, snoring and drooling. Sasuke kicked his chair over making him clatter to the floor in a heap.

''BASTARD!''

''It's fine when we're at base, but the last time we went out together was a _complete disaster._ '' Konan added.

''Last time?'' Deidara frowned. The blonde bomber turned to the others in question. ''Wasn't the last time we went somewhere together at the mall in Tanzaku Town, un?''


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two: The Mall Pt. 1**

* * *

*Hidan, Deidara, Karin, and Suigetsu at the Game Spot*

''Can't you two just pick a _game_ already!'' Suigetsu said exasperated with the argument between the blonde and silverette.

''Listen here _faggot fucker_ , we aren't buying _that lame ass_ game.'' Hidan screamed pointing to the Overwatch game case in Deidara's hands.

''Not everyone wants to play Black Ops, un.'' The blonde scoffed.

''And what the hell is wrong with Black Ops?!'' Hidan asked.

''Nothing is wrong with it, just _you_. You kill _everyone_ in the game, even the ones _on your_ _team_ , un!''

''If you _fucking pussies_ would get out of the _fucking_ way you wouldn't die!''

''You chase us! You alerted the enemy forces to our location and got us blown up, un!'' The ex-priest just rolled his eyes.

''Hey! I found Mario Galaxy!'' Karin said running up.

''Seriously? Did you find any Sonic games?'' Suigetsu asked.

''Why would I waste time doing that?'' Karin sneered.

''How the _fucking hell_ are you going to grab the guy with the tacky moustache and red overalls, but not a talking blue hedgehog? I want to _fucking_ play _Shadow_.'' Hidan spat.

''That's real fucked up Karin, un.'' Deidara agreed.

''Let me guess, you walked right pass Pac-Man, didn't you?'' Suigetsu scoffed.

''So what if I did?'' She harrumped.

Hidan squinted his eyes at her. ''What the _fuck_ is wrong with you?''

''I think she isn't even human, I swear she formed from a fungus or something.'' Suigetsu smirked. ''The stench that comes off her can kill clean air.''

Hidan laughed while Deidara tried not too, Karin was turning an unhealthy shade of purple.

''You bastard...!'' Karin caught Suigetsu off guard and kicked him into Hidan making them fall into a stack of DS CD cases. ''I'll make you eat those words!''

''Hey! We can't fight here, un!" Deidara pulled her away.

Hidan's head suddenly snapped up, an insane grin adorned his face. Deidara and Karin froze at the same time, gulping loudly, as one, they started to back away slowly.

Hidan kicked Suigetsu off of him.

''Ow!'' He yelped.

''You really want to go you _fucking red head cunt_?'' He bared his teeth.

''No,'' Deidara shook his head. ''No one wants to go.''

''Too. _fucking. late._ '' His magenta eyes glowed in the flickering lights of an LED palm tree.

''Oh shit.'' Suigetsu breathed.

Outside the game store you could hear the sounds of screaming, scraping metal, and things being broken, _expensive_ things.

...

''Over video games, really?'' Kisame deadpanned.

''So much money...'' Kakuzu withered.

''Like you can talk Kisame, what about what happened at the electronics store?'' Konan raised her eyebrow again.

Kisame coughed awkwardly and Zabuza muttered something about 'Stingy bastard'.

* * *

As a person who loves all walks of games, I found this highly offensive.

All games should be played and cherished... unless the graphics give you a headache.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three: The Mall Pt. 2**

* * *

*Kakuzu, Kisame, Zabuza, and Haku at the Electronics Co.

"No.'' Kakuzu said firmly.

''And why the hell not?'' Zabuza glared.

''It's too much money.'' Kakuzu glared back.

''It's not _that_ much, stop being so stingy with the money!''

''It's too _damn_ much, pick _something else_.'' the miser gritted out.

''Come on Kakuzu, it'll be fun.'' Kisame shrugged.

''What do _two_ grown men want with a _karaoke machine_?'' The two grown men in question glanced at each other over the midnight blue karaoke machine before looking back at Kakuzu.

''Karaoke battles,'' Both shrugged carelessly. ''Why else?''

All three stared at the other for a full minute, Haku watched quietly from a distance.

''No.'' Kakuzu re-asserted.

''I don't give a damn about what you have to say, old man! We're getting the damn machine.''

''Please gentlemen,'' The clerk sweatdropped. ''We can work something out.''

'' _What the hell did you just say?''_ A dark swirling mass started to form around Kakuzu.

''Hm? What the hell is wrong with you?" Zabuza raised an eyebrow.

''Zabuza-senpai," Haku called softly. "Nagato-sama had warned us never to bring up Kakuzu-sama's age, It's a sore spot for him.''

''What?'' Zabuza glanced at her then turned back to Kakuzu, only to fly back into a wall shelf holding tablets. The shopkeeper whimpered as he sunk down to the floor in a ball.

''Hey just calm down Kakuzu.'' Kisame chuckled.

''I'll show you an ' _Old Man'_.''

As you can probably already tell Kakuzu proceeded to kick both of their asses, at the same time, while breaking _many expensive_ things that will probably bring Kakuzu to tears later.

''Hello,'' Haku smiled gently down at the crying man on the floor over the counter. ''I think we can come to some kind of agreeable price for these items.'' She pushed forward a stack of boxes filled with tablets, laptops, cellphones, and _the_ karaoke machine. ''Within a _reduced_ price range of course.''

''O-Of course, j-just get them the hell out of my store!'' the man weeped.

''Perfect.'' She chirped.

* * *

''Aside from the fact that three grown men fought over a karaoke machine,'' Nagato turned to Haku. ''You encouraged Kisame and Zabuza into getting the karaoke machine that was _purposefully_ more expensive than the others, ensuring that Kakuzu would say 'no'. Knowing Zabuza's personality as well as you do, you knew his mouth would cause a fight and you also knew Kisame would jump in for the hell of it. You did all of that to back the shopkeeper into a corner and get the price _you_ wanted for the electronics.''

...

''Looks like I've been busted.'' She giggled softly.

''T-that... I have nothing to say to that.'' Naruto eyed the dark haired woman across from him wearily.

''I feel so used.'' Kisame shook his head.

''I have no problem with it, we got the karaoke machine and the rest of the electronics at a reduced price. On the negative end of the spectrum, we still had to pay for damages.'' Kakuzu said.

''Of course you don't, besides you threw the first punch.'' Zabuza rolled his eyes.

''You can't say it wasn't a good idea though, weekly karaoke battles are fun, un!'' Deidara smiled.

''I can't believe Kakuzu sings so well, **where the hell did you learn to sing anyway?** '' Zetsu asked.

''Hn.'' Everyone sweatdropped.

''Secretive fucker.'' Hidan grumbled.

''Nosey heathen.'' Kakuzu shot back.

''Oh! Let's not forget the mistake we made of sending you five to the department store together.'' He turned towards Itachi this time. ''I had assumed that you and Sakura would keep everything intact, but you let those idiots run around like it was a battlefield.''

Sakura giggled nervously.

''It's not like I can control _Him_.'' Obito grumbled.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four: The Mall Pt. 3**

* * *

*Itachi, Obito(Tobi), Sasuke, Sakura, and Naruto in the department store.

''Get back here you bastard!'' Naruto shouted after a giddy Tobi.

''Tobi can't hear~ you~!'' He giggled.

They were chasing after Tobi, Obito's second personality, around the department store. Obito had _just_ been there, speaking casually with Sakura and Naruto and than out of nowhere he _flipped_ , he _literally flipped_ away and started to run, giggling like a maniac.

''Come back Tobi-kun!'' Sakura called.

''Tobi is invincible!'' He ran up the side of a large shelf displaying light fixtures. The childlike man jumped onto a hanging chandelier and sat down, swinging back and forth before dive bombing towards Itachi. ''Tobi came in like a _wrecking ball_!''

Itachi glanced out the corner of his eyes before... Poof.

''Owwie!'' Tobi whined. ''Why did you trick Tobi like that?!"

''I was not going to allow a twenty-five year old man fall on top of me, family or not.'' Itachi crossed his arms over his chest.

''Got you!'' Naruto grabbed Tobi around the waist.

Tobi twisted around to glance down at the blond, Naruto's grin widened. The feral smile quickly disappeared when Tobi winked out of existence.

''No fair!''

''What's going on?'' Sasuke stepped into the isle with a paint can in each hand.

Tobi ran towards him, jumped in the air, stepped on his face and leaped over him. Sasuke toppled backwards while Tobi sprinted away.

''Sasuke-kun.'' Sakura gasped.

Sasuke rose like a man possessed and turned his head in the direction Tobi went, wiping the shoe print from his face he dashed after his cousin, Naruto not far behind him.

''What should we do Ita-nii?'' Sakura looked over to the quiet young man.

''Continue shopping for the game room, let those three run rampant.'' Itachi moved to pick up the fallen paint cans. ''We can get more done with Tobi and Naruto distracted.''

Sakura blinked in mild shock at Itachi's nonchalant tone, but should she really be surprised? Itachi focuses more on the goal at hand than anything else, nothing and no one can distract him from his appointed mission.

Sakura just shrugged and continued shopping with Itachi.

On the otherside of the store destruction reigned supreme through the isles, Sasuke was dishing out fire jutsu's left and right and a brigade of Naruto's were lurking around every corner on the hunt for their target.

Tobi skipped over a large flame and giggled when the sprinklers cut on.

"SHIT!'' A chorus of voices echoed. ''Bastard look at the mess you made!''

''Shut up dobe, I found him.'' Tobi froze and turned around slowly.

He twirled to the left as Sasuke slid past him, then jumped in the air as Naruto slid face down underneath him. Swiftly dodging and dispeling most of his clones and landing silently on the floor, Tobi did a dramatic pose putting a hand on his hip and another balled into a fist in the air.

''Tobi _is_ invincible.'' He whispered to himself.

Suddenly his vision went dark and Tobi flopped into a puddle of water. Sasuke and Naruto stood behind him, the ravenette slowly lowered his hands while the blond stepped forward with a large coil of rope.

''Let's _tie_ this up and get back to the others.'' Naruto sniggered.

''Dobe.''

''Teme.''

''Dumbass.''

''Chicken ass.''

''Cry baby.''

''Momma's boy.''

''Uh... boss?'' Naruto turned to the last of his clones.

''What's up?''

''He's gone.''

Both turned at the same time to see Tobi's body outline blinking in dotted lines.

''What the hell?!"

''Tsk.''

...

''Ow~!'' Obito rubbed his neck in pain. ''Why the hell do I feel like shit and soaked completely to the bone?'' He stumbled around the store until he found two familiar faces.

''Oi! Ita-chan, Kura-chan! Where the hell are we?'' He walked towards them.

''Obi-nii? You're yourself again?''

''Myself? Oh gods, Is that mess over there from Tobi?'' He pointed in the direction he had come from.

''Didn't you see Naruto and Sasuke-kun?'' Sakura asked.

''Hm? I think I heard their voices, but my head hurts so I went looking for you. Do you have anything to help?''

''Sure.'' Her hand started to glow green.

''Thanks Kura-chan.''

''You're not getting away this time, Jackass!" Naruto jumped down from nowhere and rammed into Obito causing Sakura to slip on a puddle in shock, Itachi's mouth twitched as he watched the pending disaster in slow motion.

Sasuke dashed around the corner and stopped abruptly. ''Sakura! What happened?!"

Itachi continued shopping.

''YOU IDIOTS!'' She threw down a fist and upturned the concrete floor, the isle shelves collapsed in on themselves in a cloud of dust and rubble.

''Ah.'' Itachi said when he pulled himself from under a collapsed shelf, he spotted and grabbed a roll of measuring tape. ''There it is, are you all ready to go?''

Obito dug himself from under the debris, Naruto tucked under his arm. ''I... think it would be best we leave now, the authorities will be here soon and I don't think they will appreciate our destroying their department store.'' He climbed out the rest of the way, tossing the unconscious blond over his shoulder.

Sakura and Sasuke popped up next

''Uh... this is... this is _really_ bad!'' Sakura coughed.

''Oh really? I would have never guessed.'' Sasuke said snarkily.

She glared at him.

''Enough, we must flee I do not think we will be able to pay for these items and still get away in time.''

''Why don't we just leave this crap and get the hell out of here.'' Naruto grumbled into Obito's back.

''Oh, you're up!'' He dropped the blond onto the rubble.

''Bastard.'' Naruto mumbled weakly. ''All Uchiha's are bastards.''

"We will not fail the mission.'' Itachi said intensly.

The other four sweatdropped at the fierce look on his face, Naruto rolled onto his side, a fist propping up his head, then looked at Sasuke with a blank look.

''Aniki, shouldn't we...'' Sasuke was cut off.

''What the hell happened here?!'' A new voice bellowed.

''I think I see someone over there! Hey!'' Another voice yelled.

''Get the shit and let's go.'' Obito bolted, Naruto and Sakura grabbed what they could and followed.

''No fighting Sasuke.'' Itachi shoved a few boxes into his brother's arms.

Sasuke pouted and stomped after his older brother.

''Mission accomplished.'' Itachi nodded to himself in satisfaction.

* * *

''Good job Itachi, you saved us a lot of money that day.'' Kakuzu praised, pleased.

''He pretty much _stole_ Kakuzu, un!'' Deidara shouted.

''We _saved money_.'' He glared the blond down.

"Someone reason with him, un."

''I can't believe you let them completely collapse a store!'' Suigetsu laughed.

''Actually, that was all Sakura-chan's fault!'' Naruto shoved his finger in her face.

Sakura grabbed his finger and bent it backwards. ''YOW!"

''You started it jerkface!'' She yelled in his ear.

''I was appointed to keep them from hindering the mission, what they were doing had no affect on the mission in any way.'' Itachi supplied.

''You _stole_ all of it!'' Karin yelled.

''A minor detail in a large picture.'' He dismissed.

''It's not like you guys did any better, Sasori attacked a man!'' Obito scoffed.

''It was in complete _self-defense_.'' The red head sniffed in disdain.

''You started it.'' Jugo said blankly.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five: The Mall Pt. 4**

* * *

*Nagato, Konan, Sasori, and Jugo inside the Home department store.*

''Can you show us where you're larger pieces are, we want an art deco style that can take up a whole wall.'' Konan asked.

''Yes, we have a piece that fits you're description, would you like to see it?'' The store manager smiled.

Sasori scoffed.

''Here it is!'' A large 41x40 frame was hung up towards the back of the store, It was a combination of lines curving and slashing to create an overlapping array of colors.

''This is it?'' Sasori raised an eyebrow.

''Sasori, _please_.'' Nagato sighed.

''There is nothing impressive about any of these _tacky_ plastic replications, they can't even be in the same category as _art._ ''

''Is there something wrong with my products, uh... Sasori-san was it?'' The manager asked.

''Yes there is, how can you call this art? I' am completely unimpressed with these empty canvases! No passion, no attention to detail, This piece is sloppy and completely overstated! Nothing screams out the beauty and complexity that is art. This ' _painting_ ' is an eyesore, it's very existence is an insult to my work as an artist! I would rather accept Deidara's form of art, than this... _thing_ , his work has passion and I can understand it, but this isn't even amateur status, this is something done by someone in a factory who has no idea of tones, shading, and drawing the essence of what they are painting and capturing the attention spectators who would show appreciation for you're vision. This is just a scam!'' Sasori huffed dramatically.

The manger's face started to turn red.

''Sasori-senpai, please calm down. I-if you don't like the way the paintings look y-you can design the game room instead?'' Jugo said unsurely.

''Wonderful idea Jugo! That is exactly what I'll do, let's not waste anymore time in this conman's place of business. Carry on with you're day.'' He dismissed the man.

''Y-you... how dare you...!'' He lunged towards the red head.

Sasori simply sidestepped the man, lifting his sleeve and releasing a thick red gas, spraying it in the man's face and he dropped to the floor in a heap.

''Now that that is out of the way, I have a game room to design.''

Sasori flounced out of the store with Nagato and Konan stormily following him, Jugo was behind them bowing and apologizing for the inconvenience.

* * *

''You did a good thing danna.'' Deidara nodded grimly.

''Of course I did.'' Sasori sniffed.

''It was much cheaper using Sasori, that painting was over 100,000 ryo.'' Kakuzu shook his head lightly.

"To be honest," Suigetsu shrugged. "Having the wall painted was a better idea than buying a painting to hang up."

"Beside the point." Konan sighed.

"Now you see why you can't go." Nagato gritted through clenched teeth.

''Wait, go where?'' Naruto asked. "I thought we were bonding."

''Ugh!"

''Oh my gods!''

''We can't go with them to Konoha.'' Hidan grumbled.

''What?! I want to see my mom and dad!'' Naruto cried.

''That's it! Meeting over, everybody go away. NOW!'' The room slowly filed out, leaving Konan and Nagato alone.

''What are we going to do with them? We can't just leave them here, they will do what they want either way.'' Konan sighed.

''I know.'' Nagato withered with a deep sigh.


	6. Chapter 6

**They only thing I own is myself, not Naruto's semi crappy character designs. The fashion was _horrendous,_ we all know it.**

* * *

 **Chapter Six: On The Road**

* * *

''Damn it Tobi, un!'' Deidara chased after his masked team member.

''He he he!''

''Are you two ready?'' Kisame stepped into the room, dodging the shuriken Deidara was throwing. ''That's a waste in supplies.''

''I'll kill you, un.'' Deidara screamed.

''Can I play too?'' Hidan peeked into the room.

''NO!'' Deidara and Kisame answered.

''We have a schedule to keep, we can't be sidetracked.'' Kakuzu strolled by grabbing the back of his collar.

''You bastard! You're always ruining my fun!''

''You don't have fun the way other's do.'' Suigetsu pointed out.

''I can't wait to get to Konoha, the ramen's the best there!'' Naruto was walking next to Sakura, who was next to Sasuke, while Itachi walked behind them. ''I've tried almost every flavor of Ramen in every village.''

''How is that possible?'' Sakura asked.

''Why the hell are there so many ramen flavors?'' Sasuke grumped.

''I'm going to ignore that comment, because I'm really happy about going home to eat ramen... and visit my family, then eat ramen with my family.''

''Hm, I' am pretty excited about seeing my parents, my Shisho, Shizune-san, and Ino-chan, Hinata-chan, and Tenten-chan.''

''I honestly couldn't care less, that place on a map doesn't hold anything dear to me.'' Naruto and Sakura blinked in shock as Sasuke stormed forward.

''He's going through a Phase Psychology books refer to as: 'Teenage Angst.' I feel that he will be more tolerable once he turns 18.'' Itachi said.

''That's five years from now.'' Naruto frowned. ''I don't know if I can deal with a bitchy teme for five years without reprieve.''

''Oh! You're using the dictionary I gave you.'' Sakura clapped her hands together.

''Yeah! It really helps, I seriously thought 'Pussy Willow' meant something completely different, imagine my surprise when I found out it was a plant.'' He laughed.

The room went silent.

''Huh, I didn't know that either.'' Obito rubbed his chin.

''What the hell did you think it was?'' Zabuza asked.

''Ah well, It's kinda embarrassing.'' He scratched his head, a blush blooming on his cheeks.

''I don't know if I want to know.'' Sakura stepped away from him.

''I thought it was the name of the cat with the fiddle from that western nursery rhyme.''

...

''The fuck?'' Hidan's voice carried throughout the room.

''Hey diddle diddle?'' Sakura asked.

''The cat and the fiddle, un.'' Deidara jumped in.

"I'm pretty sure 'un' isn't in there." Karin grinned when Deidara glared.

''Stop! We're not doing this!'' Hidan bellowed.

''The cow jumped over the moon.'' Sung Naruto .

''I don't think Karin's thunder thighs can make that jump-OW!''

''The little dog laughed to see such sport.'' Jugo smiled softly when Hidan glared at him.

Itachi nudged Sasuke. ''And the cheap ass dish ran away with the plastic germ riddled spoon.''

''You're such a team player Sasuke, un.'' Deidara deapeanned.

Obito hummed. ''I thought pussy willow was another way of saying cunnilingus.''

''What's that?''

Zabuza and Hidan nearly burst from laughter.

''Well, you're old enough now...''

''Stop right there!'' Konan appeared then threw a frying pan at Obito's face.

He yelped and dodged the projectile.

''What? What was he going to say Aneki?''

''Nothing you need to concern yourself with.''

''Yes ma'am.'' Naruto flinched when her eyes flashed a menacing red.

''Is everyone ready to go?'' Nagato entered the living room at that moment.

''I guess.'' Hidan shrugged.

"Let's move out."

* * *

Hidan, why can't you sing-along? your such a pawn!  
...Or is it rook?


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven: Why Road Trips aren't for Mercenaries**

* * *

"Why can't we stay at a hotel, un?" Deidara whined pitifully from the back of the group.

"I'm not sharing a room with you bastards." Hidan grumbled. "We all know Kuzu-teme is too much of a stingey shit head to let everyone get there own rooms!"

"Why would I? We would only be staying one night and that would be a waste of money." Kakuzu scowled at him.

"Who would share a room with you anyway? You're so whiny." Zabuza said.

"You got a problem with that?"

"Fuck off prick!"

"You go fuck yourself on a long dick, you bare faced ass hat!"

"Shove a spike up your ass you short chinned bastard."

"Don't talk about my fucking chin!"

"Would both of you stop arguing? We are in the middle of the forest, are you trying to alert us to a pack of bandits?" Nagato hissed.

"It's not like they'll be a problem, un." Deidara shrugged.

"Does it matter if they aren't? Can't you keep quiet until we get to Konoha? You're _supposed_ to be ninja." Nagato hissed.

"Tell this eyebrow less fish bait to stop talking about my fucking chin!" Hidan pointed at Zabuza.

"Keep pointing that finger at me and I'll take it from you and shove it in your eye."

"I can't wait to get to Konoha." Sakura sighed.

"I'm surprised Kakuzu and Hidan haven't been fighting the moment the trip started." Karin adjusted her travel pack.

"We're traveling in a larger group, being with just one other person doesn't give you many options for conversation." Kakuzu, who was leaning against a tree, rumbled. "He's terrible company and I'd prefer it if he argued with someone else."

"Like you are..." Obito muttered under his breath.

"I'd prefer it if we didn't have to stop every five minutes to break up a fist fight." Konan said.

"In my defense teme started it." Naruto raised up both hands in defense.

"In my defense Naruto is a dumbass, someone has to kick his ass every now and again." Sasuke smoothly retorted.

Naruto glared at his best friend.

"Sasuke-kun is so cool~." Karin swooned.

"Mou, mou," Sakura sweatdropped. "Is this really necessary?"

"Sakura-chan~" Obito whined. "I have a headache, you got any pills?"

"Sure."

"I'm running out of water people!" Suigetsu shook his half empty cup in the air.

"There is a creek about three miles ahead." Juugo said, holding a blue jay.

"Wait a minute!" Nagato did a brief head count. "Where is Kisame?"

"Did we lose one on our way here?" Sasori asked.

"Wasn't he just here?" Karin looked around the clearing.

"Oh great!" Obito said sarcastically. "First, we stop three times in the middle of the forest and now three people in our group are missing!"

"Wait three?!" Deidara blinked.

"Aniki!"

"Haku?!"

. . .

"Ne, Itachi are you sure we should just leave them like that?" Kisame looked down at his best friend.

"They'll be fine."

"What lovely flowers!" Haku hummed. "I wonder what properties they have in them, I 'll have to look it up."

"Do you think they noticed we're gone by now?" The blue man glanced behind them.

"Possibly."

"Would you two help me pick a few of these?" Haku asked.

"I don't see why not." Itachi stopped and turned to help her.

Kisame stood off to the side and sweat dropped. Really, Itachi was just an odd ball sometimes and Kisame worried for him.

* * *

Those three are so chill.


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry for the late update I meant to do it yesterday... or was it the day before?, I disclaim everything!**

* * *

 **Chapter Eight: Why Naruto Shouldn't Come Up With Plans**

* * *

"This is all you're fault." Sakura glared at Naruto.

"How the hell is that?" Naruto huffed.

"You just had to see where the cave ended didn't you." Sasuke scoffed.

The three were trapped in a cave Naruto had been curious about. When Sasuke and Sakura noticed he had wondered off they followed, after entering the cave Sasuke and Naruto offset a rock slide while fighting leaving the 'Terrible Trio' trapped.

"You followed me!"

"Why would we let you wonder off on you're own in unknown territory?!" Sakura rubbed her temples.

"You guys are awesome friends." Naruto grinned.

"You know it!" Sakura smiled before hitting his head.

"Ow." He whimpered.

"We only hit you because we care to some degree." Sasuke looked around the small dark coven.

"I'm sure we can find some way out of here." Sakura put her hands on her hips. "I can't hit the boulders or it would cave in more."

"All there is left to do is... explore the cave." Naruto said dramatically in deep voice.

"I guess." Sasuke crossed his arms.

"It's better than just sitting around doing nothing." Sakura sighed.

 **As The Terrible Trio set off on a separate adventure of their own, many adventures lie in wait.**

 **What will they find beyond the cave?**

 **Will it be worth their journey?**

 **Will they ever escape the never ending dark abyss?**

 **When will their comrades notice that the three walking with them are clones?**

 **Will Naruto finally get his ramen?**

 **Will Sasuke stop being an ass?**

 **Will Sakura's forehead ever get smaller?**

 **Tune in next week and find out!**

"What was that?" Sakura growled.

"Dobe, what are you doing?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow **.**

He glanced at his friends. "I'm being the narrator."

"What does narration have to do with my forehead?!"

"Why?" Sasuke deadpanned.

"Why wouldn't you want a narrator for an epic ass adventure?" Naruto grinned smugly. "I sound awesome!"

Sakura rolled her eyes and stomped forward and slapping his head. "Naruto, let's just go."

"You're voice sounds like sandpaper and it's unappealing to the ears."

"You wanna go bastard?" Naruto rubbed his sore head.

"Bring it loser."

"Sakura-chan! Tell this ass that my voice would be so cool on a movie soundtrack." He turned to the pinkette. "Sakura-chan?"

"I'm leaving you both." She called back.

"Wait! I'm supposed to be the hero in this story!" Naruto whined.

"The story is made up in that empty skull of yours." Sasuke smirked.

"If it's empty than how can there be a story in it?" Naruto said smugly.

Sasuke just gave him a bland face.

"Are you coming or not?" Sakura yelled impatiently.

"Coming dear~!" Naruto skipped ahead.

* * *

 **Meanwhile...**

"Sasuke-kun?!"

"What the hell?" Hidan screamed.

"I'm not looking for them, un." Deidara harrumped.

"How did they even disappear?" Nagato rubbed his forehead. "Karin, didn't you sense anything?"

"No."

"Obito is gone as well." Zetsu pointed out.

They heard a giggle resounding throughout the trees.

"Aw hell..." Suigetsu said.

"I have a headache now." Konan pinched the bridge of her nose.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine: Scrambled Search**

* * *

As the Akatsuki entered the gates of Konoha dragging an unconscious Obito behind them. Nagato glared when he saw Kisame, Itachi, and Haku waiting for them at the gate entrance.

"Did you just ditch us in the middle of the forest?"

"We didn't leave you, we just kept walking when you all stopped." Haku shrugged.

Nagato worked his jaw.

"Where are Sasuke and the others?" Itachi asked.

"We thought they went to find you." Suigetsu said.

"..."

"..."

"You lost my brother?"

"Why the hell did you leave him in the middle of the forest?!" Zabuza glared.

"I left him with all of you, I had thought you could handle walking the last few miles to our destination without problems. It seems my faith in you're abilities was misplaced."

Hidan scoffed. " 'Misplaced'? you mean 'wrong'?"

"Itachi would never admit he was wrong about something, un."

"Just stop talking all of you." Konan rubbed her temples. "This is serious."

"The brats will be fine." Zabuza dismissed.

"Aside from the fact that one of them is the Hokage's son and if they find out we lost said son in the middle of a forest filled with potential threats and enemies they may not be so 'nonchalant'." Kakuzu said.

"...We gotta find those brats, un." Deidara laughed nervously.

"We'll distract the Hokage, you guys re-trace our steps." Nagato ordered.

Nagato watched as the mercenaries dashed back into the woods, he prayed they found the children unharmed or his cousin Kushina would destroy them all.

* * *

 **The race is on and their lives just might be at stake.  
** **A fantastic way to end a chapter!~**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten: Explore**

* * *

"It's like the deeper we go the darker this path gets." Sakura said.

"Because it is."

"Man, I'm kinda hungry." Naruto suddenly stopped, making Sakura bump into his back.

Sasuke walked around them.

"Naruto, don't just stop in the middle of the walk way." She slapped the back of his head.

"You can't even see the walk way." He muttered.

"What was that?!"

"What's that light at the end of the walk way?!" Naruto said louder.

Sakura and Sasuke looked at the end of their path, spotting the light. Naruto started to run towards it, but Sasuke stopped him by grabbing the back of his collar.

"Wait, don't just go running towards an unknown source of light."

"It's light! How bad can it be?" Naruto slipped out of Sasuke's grasp.

"The light isn't bad, but what might be on the other side of it could be." Sakura explained.

"I can totally see that." Naruto hummed. "But where else can we go?"

Sasuke and Sakura looked at one another and shrugged.

"I guess nothing bad could be on the other side of it." Sakura said.

"Right, now let's go!" Naruto proceeded on.

Sasuke crossed his arms and slumped his shoulders. He just wanted to get to Konoha and find his brother.

The moment Naruto stepped into the light his body was lifted from the ground the world flipping. He was hanging upside down, a vine like rope around his ankle in a tall oddly twisted tree.

"It was a good thing you went first dobe." Sasuke smirked.

"Shove it."

Sakura looked around to see that the forest was hiding more well placed traps. "We'll get you down in a moment Naruto."

"Hold it intruders!" All three heads turned to see a group of... savages? They were in hardly any clothes and had tiny pieces of cloth covering their most private parts.

"...What the hell?" Naruto laughed.

Sakura covered her eyes. "This is not funny."

Sasuke was unimpressed.

"Who are you and why have you come to this sacred land?" The assumed leader of the group pointed his spear at them.

"By how you're dressed it doesn't _seem_ sacred." Naruto grinned.

" _Naruto_." Sakura groaned from behind her hands.

"It's not very secret if we found it so easily." Sasuke said, ignoring his best friend(when did _that_ happen?).

"Why aren't you wearing clothes?!" Sakura asked.

"Silence woman!"

"Who the hell are you talking to?!"

"Don't talk to Sakura-chan like that!" Naruto yelped as he fell to the ground, when the strangely clothed men had appeared he started to untie the rope around his ankle. As he fell he flipped and landed lightly on his feet.

This seemed to make the group of half naked men tense.

"How did you do that? What are you beings?" The 'leader' growled.

Sasuke scoffed. "We're leaving now."

"Halt!"

The trio walked around the 'threat', continuing on their unorthodox adventure.

"Man, I'm starving." Naruto rubbed his stomach.

"Who ate all their snack packs?" Sakura raised an eyebrow.

"I did." Naruto sighed.

"Wh-what do we do now, Kori?" One of them asked, he slowly started to relax his stance.

"Capture them, they are a possible threat to our people!"

The men let out a war cry before running after Sasuke and the others.

* * *

 **Honestly, those people need to put some clothes on before fire ants get into their 'you-know-what's'. I've seen it happen to one of my cousins at a Fourth of July picnic and it wasn't fun to watch.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hello, It's 3:35 AM and I would like to apologize to all you have been waiting on this update! :'(  
I was having fun the whole month of January and I... kinda... sorta... in a way forgot. *Coughs* Multiple updates!**

* * *

 **Chapter Eleven: Insanity!**

* * *

"So, where do we start?" Obito asked.

"How should I fucking know? Do I look like a fucking tracker to you?" Hidan spat.

"I've noticed you're not good for many things, un." Deidara deadpanned.

"Man, we wouldn't be in this jam if those three didn't wander off all the time." Obito scratched the back of his head.

"I don't see why we have fucking to search for these ass hats." Hidan sighed.

"Because he's our leader's younger cousin, un."

"And Itachi will kill us if something happens to his brother and... " Obito said. "I kinda miss Sakura-chan, she's apart of our soap opera club."

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you even a fucking man?" Hidan sneered.

"Hey! 'Ai no uragiri' starring Natsusawa Fuyuko is a fantastic depiction of the trials of falling in love with someone you can't have. She has the role of a backstabbing bitch down pat and the next episode is finally going to reveal whether or not Sumire's, Fuyuko's character's, slutty younger sister Akira, played Jirokawaguchi Miyu, is really pregnant with Haru, Kuroki Takumi's character, child!" Obito took a deep breath. "Then we have to see if the main character, Aiyama Akemi, played by Shirojin Hanami, really killed Hizoshi Ryu, played by the infamous pop singer Akariyama 'Poison' Tae, who was Akemi's ex-husband,Tatsuo, that she's still in love with, gay lover!"

"..." Hidan's right eye was starting to twitch.

"...That's... uh, a very convoluted story, un." Deidara sweatdropped.

"Right?!"

"What the fuc-"

"I guess we should get started, un." Deidara quickly interrupted.

. . . .

"Hahahahaha!" Naruto laughed boisterously.

"Naruto pipe down."

"Did you see how they tried to attack us? It was pathetic, even teme could keep up!"

"Hn. Look whose talking, dead last."

"You wanna fight?"

"Not now." Sakura snapped. "Let's go, these men may have back up."

"Fine, fine." Naruto grumbled.

The three left the defeated half naked men in a heap and continued on their merry way.

. . . .

"Ugh. I can't go on!" Suigetsu wailed dramatically.

He was lying flat on his stomach his left hand stretched out before him. The rest of the Search and Find squad gave his immobile form blank looks.

"Go on without me~." He bemoaned.

"Suigetsu get up! We're only five miles from Konoha's gates." Karin snapped, hands on her hips.

"Body shaking... in exhaustion... dehydrated... Karin's breath... is draining all... water." Karin kicked his head.

She was dissatisfied when his head turned into liquid. "Ugh.''

"Would you bring your ass?" Zabuza grabbed his ankle.

Suigetsu melted into a puddle.

"This is going to be awhile." Jugo sighed to Haku.

Haku just giggled.

* * *

 **The translation for Obito's soap opera is: 'Ai no uragiri'/ 'Betrayal of Love'**

 **Ci vediamo, amore Daffodil!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve: The Lost World**

* * *

Naruto's jaw dropped. "This is just... whoa."

"It's so beautiful, what is this place?" Sakura stared in awe.

"Hn." Sasuke grunted. "Just a bunch of trees and bushes no one took the time to cut back."

The trio were standing on a cliff overlooking an expansive forest filled with red, brown, yellow, and green trees. There was a light dewy mist rising that intensified the colors of the trees making them stand out vibrantly.

"This is so cool, but..." Naruto scratched his head. "Why do I feel like we were doing something before we came here."

"I know right!" Sakura nodded.

Sasuke shrugged one shoulder. "It was probably never important."

"Are you sure? Naruto frowned. "Cause it's kinda making my head itch."

"We should explore this place, maybe what you were supposed to remember will come back to you." Sakura offered.

"Great idea Sakura-chan! Let's go!" Naruto rushed forward.

"Hidey ho!" Sakura skipped after him.

Sasuke sauntered after his wayward friends, very mindful of the group of half naked men still following them.

As the finally reached leveled ground Sakura and Naruto continued to explore the bright trees.

"This forest is so lovely, it's like spring and fall mixed into one with all these beautiful colors and flowers! I should bring some back for my momma and the girls!" Sakura bent over to pick a large vibrant purple flower, Ino's favorite color.

"I wanna know if there's any food round here." Naruto rubbed his grumbling stomach.

"Dobe." Sasuke scoffed.

"We can look around until we stumble across an edible plant we recognize." Sakura quickly said before another fight broke out.

As Sakura twirled around three figures rushed out of the tree line and grabbed her.

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto wailed.

"What do you want?" Sasuke tensed up.

"Let go of me!" Sakura yelled.

"This is where your trek ends! You will not go any farther than this!" The leader yelled while holding a knife to Sakura's throat.

"OMG! He's a pervert! He's gonna take Sakura-chan away." Naruto glared.

"What?" The man to the leader's left raised an eyebrow.

"You sick bastards." Sasuke hissed lowering into a fighting stance.

"Get these freaks away from me!" Sakura cried.

"Don't worry Sakura-chan we'll save you."

Naruto and Sasuke leaped into the air and descended upon the two men on either side of Sakura and the unknown leader. As the two men flew back into the tree line, the leader loosened his grip on Sakura, who then took advantage of his lax grip and slipped out of his grip and punched him in the jaw.

Naruto and Sasuke now stood on either side of Sakura as the man flew through a tree. Sasuke grabbed Sakura's hand and ran, while Naruto threw a few explosive tags then caught up with his friends as the bombs went off and the three made their escape.

"I'm kinda in the mood for ramen right about now." Naruto said. "...Hey! Weren't we going to Konoha?"

"Hn."

"I wonder if everyone's worried." Sakura frowned.

. . . .

"When we finally find those little **shits, imma kill em**." Zetsu growled.

"Can we focus on the situation at hand before you decide to eat anyone?" Kakuzu sighed.

He, Sasori, and Zetsu had somehow ended up in Wind Country and were now caught in quicksand.

"How did this even happen?" Sasori sighed.

"A freak sand storm appeared and we ended up getting caught in it." Kakuzu answered.

"Considering that this is Suna, It wasn't a 'freak sand storm'. Those are very common and the main reason I left this ant hill under a magnifying glass, sand was everywhere, even in my puppets joints." Sasori sighed. "Such a hassle."

Kakuzu rolled his eyes.

"We need to get out **of this fucking shit**." Zetsu tried to twist his body out, but only sunk deeper.

"The more you move the deeper you'll sink." Sasori said.

Zetsu noticed that he was right, Sasori and Kakuzu hadn't moved an inch while he continued to sink. "Then what the hell are we going to do? **We can't just fucking sit here**."

"Of course not, we're waiting." Sasori sniffed.

"Waiting for what? vultures?" Kakuzu drawled.

"Aside from the fact that I'am made from wood, you are literally rotting flesh with threads under your skin and Zetsu is more predator than those scavengers ever could be. Besides, I believe help will be arriving soon and we all will be fine."

"In the short time you've forgotten," Kakuzu glared. "Rotting flesh is what they eat."

Sasori glanced at him out the corner of his eye. "...Two of us will be fine then."

Kakuzu twitched. "You little shit, I'll rip you're heart out."

"You have five of your own, I only have one! Leave it alone." Sasori placed his hands protectively over his chest.

"I'm a vegan... **or is it herbivore**." Zetsu said.

The other two blinked in mild surprise.

"Really?" Sasori asked.

"When was this?" Kakuzu raised a thin dark eyebrow, if we could see his eyebrows.

"Yes really and i **t's always been like this**."

"Are you sure?" Kakuzu frowned, which is assumed by the way the bridge of his nose scrunches up.

"I think I would **know if I wasn't**." Zetsu deadpanned.

"I could have sworn I saw you eat the corpse of the informant that turned on us and Deidara killed." Sasori hummed.

"What?! I didn't eat him!" Zetsu hissed. "I swallowed him so I could transport his **body somewhere else and be disposed of properly!** "

"Hm." Kakuzu grunted. "Well that certainly is new, I'm so glad we could sit here and bond together like this."

"Your sarcasm is unappreciated." Sasori scoffed snootily.

"Someone's coming." Zetsu perked up.

"It's about time." Sasori huffed.

"Sasori-no-niichan!"

* * *

 **When you think you really know a... creature made from the DNA of the founder of Konoha and random other people's genetics, they suddenly drop the 'I'm a vegan' bomb on ya.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen: Suspicious Redheads**

* * *

"Mou, Naga-kun?"

Nagato and Konan were sitting with Namikaze nee Uzumaki Kushina for tea in her two story cottage like home.

"Yes, dear itoko."

"Where is Naruto?"

"He is spending time with his friends, they had wanted to go sight seeing. You'll see him possibly by dinner time." Nagato started to wring his hands.

"Oh. That's nice." She hummed. "I feel like you're lying though."

"I have no reason to lie, itoko."

"Everything is fine Kushina-san." Konan said.

"I wanna see him now!" The redhead huffed.

"You will." Nagato sighed.

Dealing with his cousins was a full time job he should be payed for. Kushina, Karin, and Naruto were all so energetic and loud. Nagato looked up at the bowl of ramen clock on the wall(his only question was: Why?) and tried to keep from showing emotions on his face that his observant cousin might catch. The others needed to hurry,if anything happens to Naruto, Kushina will descend upon them with a fiery fury none will ever forget... or survive.

* * *

 **Time is running out Nagato.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen: Nari-san**

* * *

"Great! Thanks to those forest perverts, we're lost!" Naruto huffed with a deep frown.

"We were lost from the beginning dobe."

"Now we're even more lost, teme!"

"I'm sure if we find a trail or something we can find a town or a village and then get directions from them." Sakura supplied.

"Yeah! Then we can be in Konoha in no time!" The blond cheered.

"You're never ending cheerfulness is giving me heartburn." Sasuke grumped.

Naruto rolled his eyes.

Suddenly there was a rustle of leaves and a twig snapped nearby, the trio tensed. A girl appeared dressed in a light brown tunic appeared through the underbrush with a wicker basket filled with fruits and vegetables, she froze when she saw them.

"Wh-who are you?" She squeaked.

"Ooh! Can I have one?" Naruto bounded up to her.

She jumped back in fear.

"Naruto! Don't just ask someone for something when you don't even know their name." Sakura scolded.

She turned to the girl. "Hello, my name is Sakura and these are my best friends, Sasuke and Naruto."

"Hi there." Naruto waved. "Can I still have some of your fruit?"

Sasuke just stared blankly at the girl.

"U-uhm..."

"What's your name?" Sakura smiled.

"N-n-n-nari... w-what ar-are out-tsiders doing o-on this l-land?!" Nari stuttered.

"We don't even know where we are, let alone what this place is." Naruto grabbed an apple from her basket and started eating it.

"Can you show us to the nearest village? We need a map to get back home." Sakura said.

"I-I don't know..." The girl trailed off.

"Surely you don't want to leave three people with no idea where they are alone to survive the harsh elements?" Sakura cut in.

"Do-Naruto is a fragile creature, the slightest drop in temperature could result in him being bed ridden for weeks. His body can only take so much strain, we need to get him proper shelter to recover." Sasuke stepped in.

The girl blushed when the raven haired boy stepped closer to her.

"He's right!" Sakura jumped at the chance to spin a tale. "We've already pushed him to his limits and it will take a lot of rest and food to get his strength back up. Things we don't currently have at the moment."

Naruto coughed weakly and wobbled deliriously. "Please... I-I need you're help... N-nari-san..."

Nari frowned worriedly at the blond. It couldn't hurt to help them, could it?

"We need to hurry so that we can return home!" Sakura added with large misty eyes.

"I don't want my mother to think I died some terrible unknown death! It would just make her sick with worry and sadness, she may die from heartbreak!" Naruto sniffled.

"That's terrible!" Nari gasped. "Follow me, my village can help you."

When Nari turned away from them, the terrible trio shared devious looks.

'Too easy.' Sasuke scoffed quietly.

'A good sob story will get you anything.' Naruto's quiet snicker seemed to say.

Sakura just smiled pleasantly.

* * *

 **I know what you're thinking; Nari can't have really been played so easily!**

 **The answer is:... Yes, yes she can. In that tiny little village cut off from the rest of the world they hardly have to deal with people betraying them or having devious intentions. Which our group doesn't, as they just want to go home, so she will be** _very_ **gullible and naive.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen: Frightening blonds and their lapdogs**

* * *

Minato and he were never close per se, Nagato kept to himself and Minato did the same. The only time they socialized was when it involved their mutual family or work. That reason alone was enough to make the redhead suspicious of the blond.

He had his eyes closed and was smiling pleasantly at him across the living room. Nagato knew something was off about his smile, it was kind of creepy, not as creepy as seeing Kakuzu smile. Kakuzu smiling could be bad for all nearby and usually had something to do with how to get money.

"How have you been Nagato-san?" Cute little pink flowers appeared as Minato cocked his head to the side.

Nagato stared blankly. "Well, thank you for asking. And yourself?"

"Tired." The man said wryly.

"Watching over an entire village must be tiresome."

"Indeed it is." There were sparkles now.

Minato was going somewhere with this and he had a feeling of what he wanted to know, he needed to tread carefully just in case Minato could used those flowers and sparkles as a weapon.

"Hm, You'll find your second wind when Naruto gets here."

"Yes, about Naruto." The smile grew wider and his eyes still haven't opened. "Where is he?"

So that's where Naruto gets the eye squinting from, he thought his eyes were closed for a moment until he saw a flash of bright blue under light colored eyelashes.

"Out with his friends."

"Oh?"

Nagato felt the air getting thicker and cooler all at once.

"They wanted to explore and have fun before they went their separate ways." The lie came easily enough since it was probably true.

"I see." Minato's eyes snapped open.

They descended into silence, staring down the other.

"Where is my son?"

"How should I know? The moment we entered the village the three ran off." Nagato answered.

Minato barked out a laugh. "That's funny, I was told that Naruto wasn't even here when you got to the village."

Nagato blinked. "Oh? Who told you that?"

Minato scratched the back of his head in a sheepish manner, he was far from sheepish at this moment that much Nagato knew.

"A dear friend of mine had been awaiting your arrival," The smile was back and his eyes turned into ice. "He told me you were there with the rest of your group, but Naruto was nowhere in sight. Where is he?"

"I don't know exactly where he is, but like I said earlier he's out with his friends." Nagato crossed his arms over his chest.

"Tea's done!" Kushina and Konan had appeared from the kitchen.

The redhead set the tray down on the table, Konan came to sit at his side while his cousin sat next to her husband.

"Is something the matter?" Konan asked.

"No." Nagato said.

"Of course not." Minato laughed.

'Damn lapdog.' Nagato glanced out the window on Konan's side and glared at a tree that was oddly still.

...

"Otouto?" Itachi called out into a thicket of trees.

"Where did they go? They couldn't have gotten far, right?" Kisame glanced around the forest. "The last time any of them remember seeing the brats was near a river they stopped at, Sasuke had pushed Naruto into it when they go into an argument."

"Then they got into a water fight which Konan put a stop to and they continued on to Konoha when everyone refilled their canteens."

Kisame nodded. "Still doesn't exactly pinpoint when they went missing, those three could have been clones."

"It has happened before."

No one liked to remember the last time the three ran off on their own, Kisame walked with a limp weeks after the fact.

"So, maybe a bit farther back than the river?"

Itachi grunted. "Did you hear that Haku?"

"Yes, I'll retrace the groups steps from the river." Her voice came out a bit static from the comm, but still understandable.

"Hn."

"Where do you wanna check next?"

"Let's investigate the area my brother was last seen at."

"Don't you mean Sasuke, Naruto, and Sakura?" Kisame raised a blue eyebrow.

"Yes, them as well."

Kisame sweat dropped.

He really needed to wean Itachi off his brother complex and fast.

* * *

 **Kakashi isn't a tattle tale per se... he's just concerned about his little brother, Naru-kun.  
** **He might still be a little bitter about them 'stealing' his best friend.** **Maybe.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen: Prince Sasuke**

* * *

The moment the terror three entered the quaint forest village, Sasuke was swarmed by the female villagers. They seemed fascinated by his looks and swooned when he glared at them.

"Looks like that infamous Uchiha glare isn't working!" Naruto cackled.

"Would you like to rest now, Naruto-san?"

"Is there going to be food?" He asked.

She nodded. "Oh, yes. We have a variety of fruit stashed away, we can get you a hovel and something to eat so you can rest."

"Thanks!" Naruto grinned.

"I'm going to see if we can get a map or an idea of where Konoha is." Sakura then turned to Nari. "Do you have a community place where the villagers convene for meetings?"

"Yes!" Nari nodded quickly. "It's in the center of the village and is larger than the other hovels."

' **Shocking**.' Inner scoffed from the confines of her mind.

' _Quiet you!_ ' Sakura shoved the other personality to the back of her mind once again.

"You're so beautiful!" One of the women cooed at Sasuke.

"Get away from me." Sasuke sneered.

"He's so mature!" Another woman crowed.

"Marry my daughter!" Someone yelled.

"No! Marry mine!"

Soon the women dissolved into a large argument over whose daughter deserved the handsome foreigner more.

"Should we help?" Naruto asked her.

"... No, the sooner we leave the better."

"I thought you were in love with him." The blond raised a thin eyebrow.

"Oh I' am, none of these girls will ever be good enough for Sasuke-kun. I' m pretty confident no one _here_ will catch his attention, being a pubescent moody teen and all." Sakura giggled.

"What about Karin-chan and Ino?" Naruto asked.

"Aside from Karin's _horrendous_ shorts, she's your cousin and I'm confident Sasuke-kun wouldn't want to marry into your family, no offense."

"I can understand the whole shorts thing, they look like they're cutting off her circulation in her legs. Kaasan says she's experimenting with her fashion sense." Naruto's face scrunched up in disgust.

"As for Ino, Sasuke doesn't like blond's."

"Really?" Naruto frowned.

"How many blond's does Sasuke-kun interact with on a somewhat weekly basis?"

"Uh... me, Deidara-baka, Ino, and... that's it."

Sakura nodded. "How many out of those three people does he actually tolerate?"

"Me on most days, but he hates Deidara and the last time we saw Ino he literally _hissed_ at her."

"Exactly!" Sakura chirped. "It's just like my dislike for anyone with _brown_ hair."

Naruto blinked.

"It's just so basic, no vibrancy at all, unlike Saso-sempai's _beautiful_ red hair." The rosette sighed in bliss.

Naruto had the distinct feeling this 'hair color fetish' came from having her very own bright and exotic hair coloring.

"Sure." He drawled. "But, Sasuke-teme's hair is black and that's basic."

"Sasuke-kun's hair is actually raven colored, which is why it shines a deep blue in certain lighting."

"It's creepy how much you pay attention to every detail of his body." Naruto grumbled.

"What was that?" Sakura hissed.

"Nothing!"

"I could've sworn you mumbled something along the lines of; 'Sakura is going to break all the bones in my body with just one punch!'." She hissed.

"That's funny..." The boy chuckled nervously. "I didn't hear anything like that, welp gotta go rest, bye!"

Sakura huffed as he scampered off.

"He's like a prince!" A young girl, who just so happened to have brown hair(Yuck!), swooned.

Sakura eyed Sasuke as he ran from the hoard of women and adolescent girls, then shrugged and continued her trek to the center of the tiny village. There was nothing she could really do to help him right now, other than finding their way back to Konoha.

* * *

 **Poor Sasuke, being attractive is so taxing.  
** **Thank the goddess and stars I'm just cute. B/**


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen: Side Story Pt. 1 - The Trouble With Cooking Or That Time Everyone Found Out Obito Had A Third Personality**

* * *

It was a rare peaceful day at the main headquarters of The Akatsuki in Ame. The sun was shining brightly, which was a rare phenomenon, everyone was doing there own activities throughout and outside the base.

Nagato was reading quietly in a plush chair under a large Oak tree, Konan was taking a nap in her room, while Kakuzu was out shopping for a certain scroll and Hidan was out getting on someone's nerves(All they knew was that he wasn't bothering any of them). Kisame and Zabuza were sparring on the other side of the base, Haku, Sakura, and Zetsu were in the green house picking herbs and Itachi was meditating a few feet away from Nagato.

Karin had decided she wanted to spend the beautiful day with Sasuke, who turned her down then was tackled by Naruto for rejecting his cousin, resulting in a tussle between them. Jugo had sighed in exasperation and decided to go for a walk in the forest and Suigetsu was swimming in the river on the side of the green house. Karin, upset her crush's attention had been diverted had decided she would go into town and look for new clothes.

Sasori has locked himself away in his room to work on his art, Deidara was planning to show a display that night and wanted everything to be perfect and went shopping for supplies. Then Obito was... was he even here? Where did he go?

Nagato glanced at Itachi from the corner of his eye.

"Yes?" The dark haired teen queried.

"Have you seen Obito?"

"No, I can't say that I have."

Silence blanketed the area between them.

Nagato slowly closed his book. "I'm... concerned."

"I'm sure you have every reason to be." Itachi hummed.

"Shouldn't you try to reassure me that everything is fine and that I'm being paranoid?" Nagato raised a thin red eyebrow.

Itachi opened his eyes and looked at his leader. "Would you feel at ease if I lied to you?"

"...I suppose not." Nagato sighed.

"He will appear sooner or later." Itachi returned to his meditation.

Nagato sweat dropped.

Meanwhile, inside the Akatsuki head base Kisame had just entered the kitchen for a glass of water and a snack when the very moment he stepped through the threshold he immediately had to jump back to avoid an incoming kunai.

"The hell?" He frowned.

"What's wrong Kisame?" The blue man turned to his left to see Konan coming down the hallway.

"I stepped into the kitchen and almost got stabbed by a kunai." He grumbled.

Konan yawned. "I sense Obito's chakra in there."

"Obito wouldn't act like that and Tobi wouldn't attack randomly."

"That is true." Konan nodded slowly.

"I concur, little _shinobi_." A deeper, darker voice, than what was usually associated with Obito, chuckled. "The other two are so weak, I can hardly believe we share the same body, but then again, that too is weak."

"Who are you?" Konan scowled.

"Ah, I suppose I should give you my name, but I' am not usually so lenient with my prey." The voice echoed through the halls.

"...What?" Kisame sweat dropped.

"I will bestow my name upon you, isn't it kind of me to allow you both to know the name of your killer?"

Kisame looked blankly at Konan. "Is this for real?"

"I believe so." Konan responded.

"You have done a great sin stepping into my kitchen without permission. Now you shall pay for your ignorance, aha ha ha ha ha-" The laughter suddenly stopped.

Kisame and Konan had disappeared.

* * *

The two came outside the base with worried looks on their faces and ran to Nagato's side.

Nagato looked up from his book. "Is everything alright Konan?"

"It seems Obito has another much more hostile personality."

Itachi looked up. "Oh?"

"He tried to attack Kisame because he almost stepped into the kitchen." Konan explained.

"Why?" Nagato asked.

"Who know-" Kisame was cut off as he dodged an upcoming attack.

"What's your problem?!" Kisame glared.

"How dare you run away while I was in the middle of an evil monologue! You all will suffer the wrath of... Uchiha Madara." He spoke with a menacing tone.

The clearing became silent as all four stared at the man before them with a gunbai in his hands.

"When did your hair gets so long Obito?" Nagato asked.

"I' am not that foolish brat!"

"What the fuck is going on?" Hidan stormed up to them. "Who is this prick?"

"Silence you filthy cretin, bow before me!" Madara growled.

"Fuck you! I bow for no bitch!" Hidan shouted.

"You'll bow for this 'bitch'!" Before Hidan could retort Madara leaped into the air and kicked him in the face and with a flick of his gunbai, he went flying into the river.

Suigetsu jumped out of the way of the oncoming body, as he floated near the edge he looked back at 'Madara' then at the other members.

"When did Obito get a new personality?"

"Hey guys!" Naruto came from inside the base. "Something in the kitchen is burning."

Madara's eyes widened and he gasped. "My souffle!"

They watched as the man rushed back inside, almost knocking Naruto over in the process. As Nagato and the rest sat in silence once more contemplating what the hell was going on, Itachi broke the silence.

"I see, his souffle would have fallen if Kisame entered the kitchen."

"Why should that even matter? Obito's third personality might be a psychopath!" Kisame said.

"Obito has a third personality?!" Naruto asked.

"When the hell was this?!" Hidan asked, climbing out of the river.

"Apparently?" Konan raised an eyebrow. "Right now."

"W-what should we do?" Suigetsu asked.

"For now, we simply wait until Obito 'recovers', until then there is nothing we can do." Itachi returned to his meditation.

The other's slowly returned to their own activities reluctantly.

Who knows when 'Madara' would come out of nowhere and attack again?

"I just wanted a snack." Kisame sighed.

* * *

 **Dammit Madara! Let Kisame have a snack you inconsiderate bastard. To withhold snacks is cruel and unusual punishment!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen: Going Home, Finally!**

* * *

"Finally! I thought we'd never get out of that place!" Naruto stretched his arms up to the sky.

"You have to admit they were nice people." Sakura shrugged.

"I hated them all." Sasuke slouched behind them.

"That's funny coming from you teme, usually you're soaking up any attention people give you." Naruto snickered.

"Are you implying something, dobe?" Sasuke glared.

"So what if I-" Naruto started.

"Don't you two start! We need to hurry, I think we've been gone longer than we should have." Sakura huffed.

* * *

Sasori sighed in disdain when he saw the walls of Suna, he hated this place with a passion. He glanced to his left to see Zetsu wilting under the sun's rays while Kakuzu was unbothered. He glanced to his left to see the Sabaku siblings walking with the youngest in the middle.

Temari, Kankuro, and Gaara were the Yondaime Kazekage's children, they were all powerful in their own way, but Gaara held the most power with his Sand Shield and the Ichibi.

"Why are we going to Suna?" Sasori growled.

"Chiyo-baasama requested to see you, she said you don't visit enough." Kankuro shrugged.

Sasori rolled his eyes.

"I want to leave **this damn heat**." Zetsu hissed.

"Then let's leave." Kakuzu stated.

"What?" Sasori raised an eyebrow.

"We don't have to go to Suna, you do." Kakuzu smirked, he knew he was smirking! He looked too smug!

"Don't you dare you bastard!"

"Please!" Zetsu started to whine.

"You're not leaving me here!" Sasori spat.

"Go visit you're grandmother," Kakuzu waved him off. "The elderly age so quickly."

"Wh...you-You're ninety-four and you still don't visit you're great grandsons!" Sasori sputtered.

"If you two keep arguing I will **leave you two whiny fuckers here**." Zetsu glared.

"Stop bringing up my age." Kakuzu ignored Zetsu.

Sasori rolled his eyes. "We have work to do and now we're getting sidetracked."

"Sasori-nii?" Kankuro sweat dropped.

"What are you guys doing?" Temari narrowed her green eyes.

Sasori narrowed his eyes back. "If that was your business you would know."

"Would you like help?" Gaara asked softly.

"Thank you Gaara, you were always my favorite."

Kankuro and Temari sweat dropped.

"He's your godson..." Kankuro sighed.

"Hence him being my favorite." Sasori smirked.

"I didn't think you could be parental." Kakuzu chuckled.

"Weren't you married three times?" Sasori shot back.

"Weren't you married none?" Kakuzu sneered.

Before Sasori could answer back Zetsu cut in. "I'm leaving **you both here**."

"Don't you dare you two faced bastard!" Kakuzu yelled.

"I believe that name **would be reserved for Obito**." the plant-like man sneered.

"That's low Zetsu." Sasori tsked. "He's not even here to defend himself."

"What sane people argue in the middle of the desert?" Temari groaned.

"We aren't in the middle of the desert! We're on the outskirts of Sunakagure." Saori quipped.

"What were you doing so close to Wind Country?" Gaara asked.

"We were looking for a few of our members that had run off, one is the Yondaime Hokage's son." Sasori answered.

"I will help you." Gaara said.

"Gaara, don't just agree so readily!" Temari face palmed.

"I can see why he's the favorite." Kakuzu nodded slowly and crossed his arms.

"Right?!"

" **Can we go?!** " Zetsu growled, growing impatient.

"We can't just leave!" Kankuro exclaimed.

"Send a messenger bird." Sasori shrugged.

Sasori, Gaara, Zetsu, and Kakuzu started for Wind Country's boarder, they had a few wayward brats to find before leader got a hold of their heads.

"Hey! Wait!" Kankuro cried after them.

* * *

"Naruto-kun! Where have you been?!" Kushina ran to her son the very moment he stepped through the door and wrapped him up in a bone crushing, breath taking hug.

"K-kaasan... please..." Naruto begged with tears in his eyes.

She finally let go and glared at Naruto. "Where have you been?! Nagato said you went on some adventure with you're friends!"

"That's what we did, we found a lost civilization, fought some half naked guys, ate, then we all went home." Naruto shrugged.

"Oh." Kushina blinked then turned to her younger cousin. "Sorry for thinking you were lying Naga-kun."

"It's fine, itoko." Nagato said from the couch.

"Can I have ramen? I'm still really hungry." Naruto rubbed his stomach.

"To Ichiraku's!" Kushina cried in triumph.

"Yay!" Naruto cheered.

Minato eyed Nagato for a moment before smiling at his son and wife.

"Send the message out to the others." Nagato whispered lowly to Konan, who opened her left palm to reveal an origami swan. She released the bird out of the window, with that done she joined the other's for 'pre-dinner'.

Somewhere else outside Konoha.

"Those fuckers are in the village?!" Hidan screamed.

* * *

 **And the adventure concludes... for now.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen: Daily Happenings**

* * *

 **Sakura's P.O.V.**

"Sakura-chan!" A mauve haired man quickly locked his daughter in a tight embrace."Tousan has missed you so much! You've been gone for so long!"

A blond woman sat on a couch with a cup of tea spoke quietly. "Kizashi, let her breathe."

"Oh right..." the man chuckled nervously and released his precious, sweet, innocent daughter that meant the world to him.

"Ohayo Touchan, kaasan!" Sakura chirped. "I'm back!"

"You're back, my lovely flower!" Kizashi started to weep dramatically.

Mebuki rolled her emerald green eyes at her husband. "Welcome back dear, how are you're travels?"

"Fine. I'm really learning... _interesting_ things from the Akatsuki, it's been fun." She sat on the couch next to her mother, her father sitting on the other side of her.

"Oh?" Her mother lifted a thin dark eyebrow. "Do tell."

"Well, Itachi-nii has been training us in taijutsu and ninjutsu, while the others have been teaching us all different forms of fighting." Sakura started to sweat under her mother's unrelenting stare.

"Oh? how nice."

"Stop interrogating our precious petal, we should celebrate!" Kizashi grinned. "Our family is together again!"

Her mother sighed once more before setting down her cup of tea on the coffee table. "I suppose we could go to out to dinner this evening."

"I hope you two don't mind if I step out to see Ino-chan and the others, I really missed them." Sakura squirmed out of the tight hug her father had roped her into.

Kizashi slumped over with a cloud hanging over his head.

"Just be sure to come back before six so we can go to dinner." Her mother said.

"Thanks kaasan!" She kissed her mother's cheek and hugged her father, who didn't want to let go and was weeping dramatically again. "Ano... tousan, let go."

"I'm not ready to let go! My baby girl is growing up so fast!" He sobbed.

Mebuki came up behind him and slapped the back of his head with a frying pan and he released his daughter to cater to his wound. "How many times have I told you to stop coddling Sakura? She is a young woman now and we need to treat her as such, she isn't six anymore Anata."

"She'll always be a little girl to me, I'm not ready for this! She's changing so much and she's already engaged to that Uchiha boy and she has a job already, I'm going to be the youngest Ojiichan in the village!" The man sobbed on the floor with a large bump on his head.

"S-sasuke-kun and I aren't engaged... we aren't even dating." Sakura sweatdropped.

"So he thinks he's too good for you?!"

"Ignore your Otousan, go see your friends." Mebuki shoved her out the door.

"O... kay." Sakura trailed off when the door shut in her face.

* * *

She found her best friend, Yamanaka Ino, at her family's shop arranging a vase filled of red and orange geraniums. When the platinum blond spotted her she squealed excitedly, quickly rushing to her side.

"Forehead!"

"Pig!"

"I missed you so much!"

"I missed you too!"

"We have to celebrate, we'll go pick up the others and have a girl's day out. Kami knows you probably need it." Ino flipped her long ponytail over her shoulder(Which she didn't understand since it was already behind her, but to each her own...).

"I think that's a fantastic idea, let's karaoke!" Sakura suggested.

"YES!" Ino squealed.

 _'Yep.'_ Sakura thought as she was dragged out of the shop. _'My life is pretty average compared to the more eccentric members in our merry band of misfits. I can't help, but feel some relief at this little piece of 'normal'.'_

* * *

 **Obito's P.O.V.**

He couldn't _believe_ he was back here in this cold, stuffy torture chamber with these withered bags of depression and bad life choices(and for one of them, a _tacky_ ass nose job, when he got that Obito didn't know.). Hearing them bitch about things that happened over _fourteen years_ ago and trying to force him to do their bidding.

 **Flashback***

"Uchiha Obito, do you not understand the consequences of your actions?! Surely you-"

"I don't give a fuck, I hate you all, go suck copious amounts of dick, leave my life alone, go get laid if you're genitals haven't completely turned to ash and dust by now and stay the fuck out of my business and what I do with _my eye_. You don't have to worry about kicking me out the clan since I have decided staying in this dull, sexually oppressed clan would only deter my progress in becoming a shinobi and eventually Hokage." He stood to leave as the clan leader, Fugaku(and the five elders; who cares about their names), sat in stunned silence.

Obito walked out without ever looking back.

 **Flashback Out***

"I thought we settled this a long time ago." Obito whined.

"You foolish child, we don't care about that!" One of them, Haruka, snapped.

"What the hell?!" Obito's eye blew wide. "Haruka, you're still alive? I thought you would have died by now from lack of any form of social life! Never mind you haven't had sex in half a century..." He muttered the last part.

"You insipid boy!"

"You incorrigible hag!" Obito smirked. "See? I learned big words too."

"Obito," Fugaku sighed. "Be serious."

"I' am being serious!" He glared at the older man. " _You_ just aren't taking me seriously. I don't want anything to do with this clan, I haven't seen or contacted any of you since I left fourteen years ago."

"Obito-san, It has come to our attention that you are a possible candidate for Hokage." Another elder spoke up before they could get too far off topic. "We, as your clan, wanted to be sure you understood the role you are being given encase you should happen to embarrass the Uchiha name."

"I know you aren't trying to turn me into your 'puppet' now that both you're heirs have turned their backs on your 'teachings'." Obito scoffed. "There is no way in hell that you can make me a side project, so that the Uchiha clan could have power over the village through me. If I did accept the offer, I'm making decisions on my own and no one... _no one_ is going to get in my way or step on my toes."

He glared at each of them, Batsuna for extra measure, because if he thinks Obito forgot about when he tripped him with his cain... he was _sorely_ mistaken.

"Is. That. clear?" He hissed.

"Obi-"

"Welp! It's time for me to go get drunk with people it doesn't give me a migraine to be near." He walked to the sliding shoji doors. "I would say 'see ya', but I don't plan on going to hell."

With that he left the same way he did when he was an inexperienced chunin, with a stunned and irritated audience behind him and his best friend waiting outside for him.

"Oi! Bakakashi, let's go get drunk!"

Kakashi rolled his eye at his best friend and comrade, before shrugging. "I guess it's about noonish anyway, everyone should be at 'Botan' already."

"That's the spirit teme! Let's go catch up, I have lots of things to tell you."

"Like you finally stopped sleeping with Chi?"

"Leave my stuffed kitty out of this, Chi-chan has done nothing to you." Obito scowled.

"I heard you have split personalities now." Kakashi smirked under his mask. "I always knew you're abrupt mood swings were odd."

"Er... No?"

"How convincing."

Obito chuckled nervously.

* * *

 **Maa... Obito's such a rebel.  
I have the sudden urge to write more stories, excuse me.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty: Daily Happenings Pt. 2**

* * *

"Sasuke-chan, welcome home." Uchiha Mikoto quickly embraced her son the moment he entered their home. "I have missed you so."

"Kaasama." Itachi greeted.

"Itachi-chan, have you been taking good care of your brother?" Mikoto turned to her eldest and gave him a hug as well.

"As well as anyone can."

"What's that suppose to mean?" Sasuke glared at his brother.

"It simply means that I took care of you to the best of my abilities." The quiet man replied.

Shisui sauntered into the room with a smug grin. "What he _really_ means is that you're a pain to deal with."

Sasuke re-directed his glare at his second-least-favorite-cousin, notwithstanding that he despised all of his cousins. "I can stop your heart with lightning, I just want you to know that."

Shisui blanched.

"Uchiha Sasuke, don't threaten your cousin's life!" Mikoto scolded.

"Sasu-chan has gotten so mean! Do you act like that around your girlfriend?" Shisui's smirk returned. "Such scary words would make any sane woman run for the hills."

"She's not my girlfriend." Sasuke hissed.

"Oh?" The smirk got wider, it was kind of creepy. "I didn't even say who it was, who do you think I was referring to, hm?"

"Don't you have a ditch to die in? Preferably one that's six feet and spikes at the bottom?" Sasuke spat.

"Honestly," Mikoto huffed. "Itachi is the only one who acts his age! I expect you two to get along and I don't want to hear anymore arguments from either of you, am I understood?"

"Yes Kaasama."

"Yes baachan."

"Good, now I'm going to make a snack." She chirped and kissed both of her boys' cheeks before heading to the kitchen.

The moment she left Shisui grinned at his little cousin causing the younger boy to tense in weariness. Itachi sighed and sat on the couch and started reading a book as the other two started their well known routine.

"Ah, Sasuke-chan." Shisui's smile brightened considerably. "How is Sakura-chan? I've missed having her around."

"She's fine!" Came the terse reply.

"I should go visit her."

"Stay away from my friend, you pedophile!" Sasuke snarled.

Itachi sighed.

Shisui sputtered.

Fugaku was walking into the living room.

The sound of dishes dropping was the only thing heard through the thick silence.

"What the hell?! I' am not a pedophile, If you'd remember Obito-nii practically raised me after my parents died! We lived next door to the Haruno's for _twelve years_ and we used to babysit her, she's my imouto-chan!" Shisui growled.

"Oh... sorry," Sasuke shrugged with one shoulder. "Ever since Orochimaru, anyone who takes a keen interest in a person fifteen and under makes me feel suspicious."

Silence.

Itachi sighed again.

Shisui's eye twitched.

Fugaku was looking at them all blankly.

The noises in the kitchen resumed.

"Some days I ask the Kami's what's wrong with my family," Fugaku deep baritone rang through the room. "I still haven't gotten an answer."

"Don't be so dramatic, dear." Mikoto called from the kitchen.

* * *

 **I honestly think Sasuke would be edgy when someone mentions Orochimaru, I mean I would!  
** **Have you seen his base? Can you say nasty highway motel? That's what it looks like, and it also looks like it smells dank... I never was fond of snakes.**


	21. Chapter 21

**A nod to National Women's Day 2018, We have the month of March and right after Black History Month. This was going to be a 'Chapter', but I said why not do one for NWD. I Do Not Own Anything!**

* * *

 **Chapter Twenty-One: National Women's Day**

* * *

"Hello everyone and welcome to a brief segment about what it means to be a 'feminist'." Konan appeared before the scree. "What does NWD mean to you?"

"It means equality for all no matter what gender." Sakura said.

"It means a woman can feel good about her body!" Ino cried.

"I-It means y-you can-n do-do an-any-anything y-you set your m-mind t-t-to." HInata stuttered.

"It means that women **nor** men should feel pressured about sex." Tenten said.

"It means my daughter can still be a lady, but follow her dreams without prejudice expectations from the world." Mebuki said.

"It means my son should view each person in the same light!" Kushina exclaimed. "No matter the gender, color, race, or ideals."

"It means we can all stand together without boundaries or _walls_." Mikoto smiled.

"It means we can see past the sexuality of another and look at the person that they are." Karin said.

"It means that women aren't the only ones suffering in silence!" spoke Temari.

"It means that change is to come." Haku said. "That the teachings of old should never be forgotten, but not emulated."

"It means you people need to get your shit together and stop trying to justify _raping_ children!" Tsunade roared. "It's not right and it never will be!"

"It means are view on religion, politics, or education may make us different, but we are all still _human_." Shizune smiled softly.

"It means that the life we start out with is not the life we have to end with." Mabui said.

"It means this new year should be filled with love and loyalty." Fu said. "We take the ones we have for granted and we turn on them, let's end it this year."

"It means that all lives _do_ matter, but not all lives go without justice." Yugito said solemnly.

"It means you don't have to ''settle'' for unhappiness, find people who don't see your body, but they see your heart." Karui said.

"It means we're tired of this world's bullshit! Get your shit together world, we are entering a new era and our children need to see _progress not hatred_."

"It means that men can feel sexually violated too! Just because you think it's some fantasy of their's to have a girl all over them, It doesn't mean you shouldn't ask first. Movies and books don't always tell the full story, If a man did that to a woman it would be wrong. It's not a one way street." Kurotsuchi said.

"It means we are destroying our world and it needs to end, the only problem is when?" Konan asked.

Anko appeared once more and grabbed the camera. "I also want you bastards to **STOP. FUCKING. SEXUALIZING. KID. CHARACTERS!** " She screeched. "I'm tired of scrolling through Gaggle images and seeing that bullshit. You shouldn't fantasize about anyone more then five years younger than you, you sick fucks! I **SWEAR** if I see **one** **more** My Little Pon-."

She was quickly cut off. "Let's take a step in the right direction today." The all said together. "One step towards what's right can ease the pain of the past."

* * *

"It means the boundaries of today will not be there tomorrow." - **FD**


	22. Chapter 22

**I claim no rights to anything referenced here.**

* * *

 **Chapter Twenty-Two: Side Story Pt. 2 - That Time Deidara Convinced Everyone To Have A Movie Night or That Time Hidan Kicked The TV**

* * *

"Come on, It'll be fun, un!" Deidara whined.

"Why do I have to stay? I could be doing other more productive things." Kakuzu sat grumpily in a large plush chair, a soft looking blanket covering his legs as he reclined backwards.

"Counting money isn't 'productive', it's just you itching to touch flimsy pieces of paper." Zabuza raised... his brow...?, while sitting in the chair across from him with his own blanket.

"Movie night is gonna be awesome!" Naruto crowed.

He was sitting cross legged on an orange sleeping bag, on his right was Sakura with her pastel red sleeping bag and kitty plushie and Sasuke on his right with a soft purple sleeping bag. Karin laid her own bright red sleeping bag next to Sasuke, who had scooted away enough for Suigestu, Jugo, and Kimmimaro to lay in between them with their sleeping bags.

Konan and Nagato shared a blanket on the loveseat, while Obito, Haku, Itachi, and Sasori took the couch after kicking Deidara off it. No, seriously, Sasori roundhouse kicked the blond in his face knocking him off the couch and then sat in his spot.

"You're a cruel bastard." Hidan snorted from his large burgandy bean bag positioned between Kakuzu and the couch.

"I' am from Suna, I' m simply a product of my enviroment." Was the redhead's reply.

Obito leaned over the couch arm reaching out towards Hidan. "Pass the juju's."

"Fuck you, you dysfunctional layered onion!"

"What the hell?" Kisame snorted from his black bean bag in between Zabuza and the loveseat.

"The later it gets the faster I get tired and my insults don't sound the sam- give me my juju's prick!" He roared.

"There are enough snacks for everyone." Haku said from between Obito and Itachi.

Sasori rolled his eyes. "Just give me the red hot tamales."

"Are you sure?" Naruto scrunched his nose. "They don't make them the same anymore."

"I thought they tasted sweeter." Sasuke frowned.

"Some people just don't know when to leave well enough alone, un." Deidara sighed. He had found his own grey bean bag and sat on Sasori's side of the couch, Nagato was next to him on the loveseat.

"It could just be that you all have grown used to the taste." Konan suggested.

The room looked at eachother before shaking their heads in unison. "Nah."

"Let's just start the movie before all the snacks are gone, what movie did you pick Deidara?" Nagato asked.

"It better not be another one of those boring sculpting documentaries again." Naruto glared at his fellow blond.

"It better not be or I'll shove that disk so far up his-" Hidan snarled.

"It's not, un!" Deidara huffed.

"Is it a comedy?" Suigetsu asked.

"A drama?" Kimmimaro drawled.

"A rom-com?" Karin's eyes sparkled in Sasuke's direction.

"Or horror." Sasuke smirked as Suigetsu gave him a high five.

"Could it be fantasy?" Sakura suggested.

"I want action!" Naruto yelled.

"I'd perfer something with a bit more intelligence." Sasori sighed.

"As long as it has money in it." Kakuzu grumbled.

"Ooh, ooh!" Obito bounced in his seat. "I want a black comedy!"

"A slice of life would be nice." Haku put a hand on Obito's shoulder to stop him from moving.

"Let's watch something with adventure and absolutely no romance whatsoever." Zabuza suggested.

"I want to watch something with nature in it or a feel good movie." Jugo fiddled with the edge of his sleeping bag.

"How about a blue film?" Kisame smirked.

"Kisame!" Konan frowned down at the blue man. "There are children here!"

"What's a blue film?" Naruto frowned. "Is it about blue people? Is that why Shark bait wants to watch it?"

Hidan's face was turning red from laughter. "I don't care what we watch as long as someone is either decapitated or sacraficed."

"Shut up." Kakuzu hissed.

"You shut up!"

"It's nothing you should be concerned with Naruto-kun." Nagato sighed.

"Deidara-san?" Itachi prompted.

The blond's eye was twitching. "We're watching The Ring, un." He stood and put the disk in the DVD player.

"Aw!" Sakura, Karin, Naruto, and Suigetsu whined.

"Not this bitch again." Hidan muttered under his breath.

"Did everyone have a bathroom break?" Konan suddenly asked.

The room as a whole turned and looked at her with varying degrees of unamused blank stares.

"What are we? Six?" Suigetsu asked.

Naruto shifted uncomfortably in his spot. "I...I kinda do."

"I told you not to just sit there and drink out of that big cup like that!" Sakura sighed.

"Hey, Hi-C orange juice is really good!" He pouted. "I couldn't stop."

Deidara rolled his eyes. "Ugh, just... everyone who needs to go, hurry up while the movie is going through it's trailers, un."

Everyone in the room stood and left.

"What the hell?" Deidara's jaw dropped.

Kakuzu was still in his chair with crossed arms glaring at everything.

Deidara raised a blond brow. "Don't you have to go, un?"

"No."

"Are you sure? You're like a hundred, you're bladder would be kinda weak."

Kakuzu glared him down. "What are you implying?"

"N-nothing..."

"Then the matter should be dropped." The older man snapped.

"Okay..." Deidara stiffly left the room, he released a sigh when he could no longer feel Kakuzu's glare on his head. "It's way past his bedtime, un."

"What was that?!"

"Eek!"

. . .

By the time everyone was done and had finally gotten comfortable again, the movie had started and the scene where the grudge climbs out of the well had appeared.

"Something is off." Nagato frowned.

"Yeah, it's like she's actually getting closer, kinda like 3D." Suigetsu squinted up at the screen.

"She is getting closer!" Sakura squealed and jumped into Obito's arms.

Everyone jumped and cleared off the floor as the wispy woman reached a hand through the screen, slowly bringing forth her head.

"Ahhh!" Naruto wailed.

Hidan quickly ran towards the TV and kicked the protruding head. "Get back in the TV, bitch!" The large flat screen toppled backwards as the creature fell back inside. Deidara turned it off and Sasuke took out the CD and held it up with a dark scowl.

"What the fuck was that Deidara?" Kisame's pupiless eyes wide in alarm.

"I swear to you I thought that CD was normal. I don't know how the hell that happened, un."

"Well, Deidara ruined movie night." Sasori flipped some fringe out of his eyes.

"Thanks alot Deidara!" Naruto huffed.

"How the hell was I supposed to know it was a demonic CD, un?!"

"I don't think I can sleep now." Sakura whimpered into Obito's shoulder.

"Why is your first reaction to jump into his arms?" Sasuke frowned.

"Don't be jealous Sasu-chan." Obito smirked. "I'm sure Sakura-chan would love to jump in your noodle like arms."

"Obi-nii, you're embarrassing me.~" Sakura groaned in mortification.

"I don't wanna sleep alone either." Naruto scratched his head sheepishly. "Let's have a sleepover!"

"As long as it's not in this room, I'm down." Suigetsu grabbed his sleeping bag. "Let's use Sakura's."

"Why Sakura's?" Obito and Sasuke eyed the young kiri-nin suspiciously.

"My room is more water than floor and if you don't want us sharing a bed, I think it would be better if we slept somewhere with more space." Suigetsu leered and wiggled his eyebrows.

Zabuza threw a pillow at his head. "Hey!"

"I' am currently nursing a wolf back to health." Jugo spoke up quietly.

"No one is aloud in my room." Kimmimaro said with finality.

"I don't want anyone in my room." Sasuke shrugged.

Naruto raised a hand. "We can use my-"

"NO!"

"There is no way in hell we are laying in that garbage bin you call a room!" Sakura hissed.

"Hey, I cleaned!"

"Lies!" Suigetsu pointed at the blond. "I call bullshit!"

"There's always Karin's room." Obito suggested.

"I don't want to see her shrine to Sasuke nor do I want to bear witness to her creepy sex ritual over Sasuke's sleeping body." Suigetsu drawled.

"S-sex ritual?!" Jugo squeaked.

"You have a shrine dedicated to teme?!" Naruto shuddered.

"That imagery isn't something I wanted..." Kakuzu muttered.

"NO!" Karin blushed furiously. "I have a collage of pictures of him though."

"Sakura's room it is." Naruto nodded sagely.

"I would feel much more comfortable in my own bed, but I will make due." Kimmimaro sighed.

"Just go to bed runts!" Kakuzu glared.

"We're going to need a new TV." Obito yawned. "Hidan put a hole through that one."

"If the bitch would have kept her ass where she was suppose to be I wouldn't have had to kick the TV in the first fucking place. Bimbo over there is the one we should be worrying about, he's going to fucking demonic stores and buying fucking possessed movies."

"Don't call me a bimbo, I' am not a woman!" Deidara roared.

"Cut you're fucking bangs and maybe no one would think you were!" Hidan shot back.

"I'm going to bed." Kakuzu grumbled one last time before leaving, Sasuke and the other's trailing after him.

As everyone cleared out Nagato looked to Konan and sighed.

"I don't know how this team is still functioning." Konan shook her head.

"Perhaps by the miracle of god." Nagato suggested.

"Or the humor of the devil."

* * *

 **It didn't feel right not to reference the ring.**


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty-Three: Kushina and Naruto(I guess Minato, but not really)**

* * *

"Ah," Naruto leaned back from the stool and pat his stomach contentedly. "That was great! No one makes ramen like old man Teuchi."

"Rwart?!" Kushina said around a mouth full of noodles.

"Please swallow before you speak, dear." Minato smiled in fond exasperation.

"Surely you both have had your fill?" Nagato looked at the large pile of ramen bowls taking up all the room on the table. Kushina and Naruto have accumalated forty-six bowls between them and Kushina is now on number 24, If Minato wasn't Hokage he was sure they would be bankrupt. "I don't believe Teuchi-san has enough bowls to keep serving you and Ayame-san can't wash the bowls fast enough."

"I'sh fwne, rwart?" Kushina looked over to Teuchi.

The man started to sweat a bit. "We- we've run out of supplies to make ramen, I ap-apologize Kushina-chan, Naruto-kun."

"You've ate this man out of business." Konan is midly impressed while being severly disgusted at how they inhaled everything without breathing once.

"WWWWHHHHHAAAAAATTT?!" Naruto and he's mother cried in chorus.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty-Four: Side Story Pt. 3 - The Time Karin Suggested They Use Confession Cams or That Time Someone Actually Used The Confessionals**

* * *

"So... pretty much we tell our deepest secrets to this camera... that is recording everything we say and could be possibly used against us?" Kimimaro arched an dotted eyebrow. "I believe I shall pass on such an... opportunity."

"Come on, It'll be fun like my favorite show: 'The Queen's Den'!" Karin squealed.

"We could give it a try." Sakura shrugged.

"That's the spirit!" Karin squealed.

"I' am unsure about this." Itachi brows furrowed lightly.

"Let her do what she wants, not like anyone really cares." Zabuza grunted from the couch, lazily flipping through channels.

"I've already set it up so anybody can go in if the sign isn't on the door." Karin cheerfully explained.

"What sign?" Naruto cocked his head to the side.

" _This_ sign!" Karin held up a large white square with the word 'occupied' written in various color covered in glitter.

"What the fuck is that thing?! Did a fairy come take a dump on it?" Hidan face scrunched in disgust.

"What?!" Karin's jaw dropped. "That is so... just... no, stop talking Hidan."

"That catastrophe is hurting my eyes and I'm a puppet." Sasori drawled from the corner of the room eyeing the cardboard with disdain.

"I think you could have did a little better with the glitter, it's in splotches all over the place, un." Deidara critiqued.

"UGH! Who gives a damn about what the sign looks like, the purpose of it is not to look at, it's to let others know not to disturb you." Karin stamped her foot.

Zabuza barked out a laugh. "If signs really did keep you bastards from going into marked off areas I could have gotten one a long time ago."

"Don't be a dick Zabuza." Kisame chuckled next to him.

"Did you even ask Nagato-san?" Sasuke asked. "I highly doubt he would approve of this."

"It could cause discord among us." Jugo muttered.

"Let's try it out for a whole week and see how it goes." Karin whined. "Pleeease?"

"Come on guys, let's at least give it a try and if we don't like it we won't do it anymore." Sakura said.

"Sure, any reason to talk shit about you guys behind your backs." Suigetsu snickered.

"You talk about me, I will know." Zabuza turned his head to glare at the younger. "I will place you in a jar and put it in the freezer."

"No need to be so aggressive senpai."

"So it's settled, anyone can use it!" Karin skipped merrily out of the room.

"I feel unsettled." Itachi sighed.

 **Monday-Kakuzu**

 _"I honestly don't know why I'm here and I don't care to give a reason."_ Bright green eyes on red sclera blinked lazily. _"I suppose I should confess to that time back in Tea Country. To make a long, unnecessary story short... I dug information up about the lords in that country and blackmailed them into giving me a large portion of their money. I don't feel bad about it, I was never caught since they didn't know who I was and I got away scot-free. Oh, I also slept with the village heads wife, but that's a different story that I will never reveal the details of, but she was very flexible. It was quite obvious that she had a lot of practice with it."_ Kakuzu shrugged one shoulder.

 _"Kind of impressive for a woman with six kids."_

Static.

 **Karin**

 _"Okay video diary, I'am super excited about this whole thing since I saw it on 'The Queen's Den' and I thought it would be such a great way to vent."_ Karin clapped her hands together. _"I' am totes excited, so let's get started."_

 _"So today while I was in the kitchen for breakfast I had a super yummy bagel with strawberry cream cheese on it... and, like, yum! So there is this itty bitty tiny thing I forgot about when I was tasting heaven and that is that it's dairy."_ Karin coughed uncomfortably before continuing.

 _"Now, everyone knows that all across the world people are lactose intolerant, but some of the..._ less fortunate, _I should say, have it the worst. So as I digested the bagel with dairy... something... kind of backfired and I let loose something terrible in that room. Now luckily I was alone and of course as soon as it was clear I ducked out of there as quickly as possible."_

 _"And here is where it got bad, Itachi and Sasuke-kun entered the kitchen right after I left and I was like;_ _'OMG no! Sasuke-kun don't go in there!'- Of course I didn't say that out loud and reveal myself as the culprit. The very next second Itachi bolted out of the kitchen, threw open one of the hallway windows and vomited while Sasuke-kun half dragged himself out the kitchen and... passed out."_ Karin started to fiddle with her index fingers.

 _"I know what your all thinking: 'Kairn that is some foul shit', don't tell Kushina-bachan I just cursed, but I understand and I felt horrible and embarrassed about the_ whole thing _and the right thing to do was to own up to it..."_ Karin sighed. _"I ran like a bat out of hell."_

 _"Before you judge! Would you have admitted to your crush and said crush's older sibling that you unintentionally set them up for a stank bomb? No, you wouldn't!"_ Karin sniffed and grabbed her face with two hands and shook her head. _"I'm so sorry Sasuke-kuuuuuun!"_

Outside the door:

"What the hell is she wailing Sasuke's name like that for?" Suigetsu frowned at the closed door, but shrugged it off once he decided he didn't care and continued to mosey down the corrider.

Back inside:

 _"I'm never eating dairy again!"_

Static.

 **Tuesday - Deidara**

 _"Shit!"_ The long haired blond hissed quietly in the dark room, flashlight in hand. _"Camera, I just want you to know that... If I die, Itachi did it, un!"_

He fell silent for a moment.

 _"I may have had something to do with his missing dango and accidentally, maybe on purposefully, spiking that volleyball into Sasuke-gaki's face just put me on the top of his 'Kill Now' list, un."_

 _"It's real Kisame saw the list himself and now I'm gonna be on it, un!"_

The door suddenly opened and the camera was temporarily blinded. Deidara shrieked as he was suddenly grabbed, trying to use the flashlight as a weapon he ended up knocking the camera over.

The last thing that was caught in the cameras eye was Deidara bond, gagged, and being dragged out the doorway.

Static.

 **Naruto**

 _"Hey Mr. Camera!"_ Whiskered cheeks spread into a bright smile. _"The name is Namikaze Naruto, Greatest ninja alive, Yondaime Hokage's son, and future Hokage of Konohakagure!"_

 _"I know what you're thinking: 'What is an awesome shinobi like myself doing in a confessional? W-well... it's a bit... complicated?"_

 _"Ya see, I was out minding my own business eating bowls of ramen and according to Sakura-chan, keeping small businesses running, when I realized I was late for my training session with Obito-nii. So, like, I had to hurry and get back there before he decided he didn't want to train me anymore, cause he's a moody bastard like that. So I hightailed it back to our hidden base on the outskirts of Kumo where Obito-nii was gonna teach me a super cool fire jutsu that would make teme sooo jealous and make me look super badass to all the girls."_

 _"When I finally got there Obito-nii wasn't even there! So I, like, had to find him! There was no way I was missing out on this opportunity. So I looked everywhere in and out of the base for him and he was nowhere to be found! So, I decided that I needed an expert on this."_

 _"My cousin Karin is a great sensor and tracker, like myself."_ Naruto puffed his chest out proudly. _"I thought it would be better than just me 'cause with our combined efforts we can find anything!"_

 _"But she was watching teme play a poker game with Sakura-chan, Momo-senpai, Kakuzu-jii, and Kisame-san. She was in complete stalker mode."_ The boy huffed with a deep frown. _"I can't believe my cousin chose that bastard over me! Anyway, we got into an argument."_

 _"She was like: 'I don't have to help you with anything, I'm watching Sasuke-kun beat these losers in poker'!"_

 _"And I was like: 'Your my cousin, stop being so damn lazy'!"_

 _"Then Kakuzu was like: Just get the hell out'."_ Naruto said in a deep voice. _"And Karin snapped back like: 'Zip it, no one asked any of you'!"_

Naruto paused and took a deep breath. _"Then Sakura-Chan was all like: 'Everyone shut up and put your bets in'!"_

 _"And Sasuke-teme scoffed and put chips in with everyone else, cause Sakura-Chan and Kakuzu-jii get really scary about poker. And then Sakura-Chan huffed like: 'You guys bet like bitches'. Which I thought was funny until Karin jabbed me in the stomach so I shoved her and she fell on the table and knocked everything over."_

 _"That's when everything got real bad and Kakuzu started snarling like a dog and I swear he was foaming at the mouth as he held Karin up by her ankle and Sakura-Chan made this really loud and annoying screech before she threw the entire poker table at me. I got the hell outta there and took off down the hall, if Karin wasn't going to help me out then she was on her own."_

 _"I had ran pretty far and ended up on the other side of the base, the side where Zetsu haunts and no one every really goes there. It's mainly just storage and extra rooms... I know Sasori stores some of his creepy collection of fetish dolls there."_ Naruto shrugged. _"I don't know how the hell I got there, but Nagato-nii always said: 'Fear is a great motivator'. Seriously, even though I was alone in the hall, but I couldn't help feeling someone's eyes on me and it was super creepy, like there was something else there..."_

Naruto trailed off ominously and paused.

 _"Turns out it was just Zetsu and he helped me get back to the main hall and I went to the kitchen for a snack. That's where I found teme, Ita-nii, and Obi-nii all enjoying a snack... Sasuke's weird ass was eating a tomato of all things."_ Naruto scrunched up his tan nose in disgust. _"Anyway, I sat down and we were all eating this really good dango that Itachi got from inside Kumo, which Kumokagure does have the best seasonings in the elemental nations, but when it comes to spices Suna is the best."_

 _"It was pretty peaceful, until... I realized that bastard Obito was sitting right across from me this whole fricking time! How the hell did I not realize this sooner?!"_ Naruto ranted. _"I asked that bastard where he was and he was like: 'I was waiting for you and ended falling asleep in a tree, then I came inside for a snack. You should be telling me where you were'!"_

 _"This whole fricking time he was sleeping in a tree right above my head and I didn't sense him at all! What the fuck?!-Don't tell my kaasan I just cursed-I can't believe I didn't sense him!"_

 _"But the reason why I came in here is because... I... In my rush to get to my training session... might have... forgot to pay the bill for my ramen and... um, yea, I might have an angry vendor out for my head."_ Naruto chuckled nervously. _"Good thing I was wearing that ugly black cat beanie Rin-no-neechan gave me for my birthday and so my hair was covered, but I'm not taking any chances on going back there. I still feel real bad so I send money to them anonymously from time to time, just until I pay off my debt."_

 _"Thanks for listening camera-san!"_ the blond chirped cheerfully.

Static.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter Twenty-Five: Girls Day Out**

* * *

Ino was talking at rapid fire speed while they walked down the busy village street.

Sakura and Ino had rounded up Hinata, TenTen, and Karin,(They also picked up Hanabi, Hinata's younger sister, and a little girl called Moegi, who was Konohamaru's friend.) the girls were headed to a spa where they could relax and escape the existence that is men.

Then after that is karaoke, then they'll head to lunch.

"Sakura! Isn't it so exciting to be living with all those mature men? Especially Sasuke-kun!" Ino suddenly gushed. "Your so lucky! my tousan would never allow me to live with a group like the Akatsuki." Ino was wearing a spaghetti strap with a blue jean skirt, and beaded sandals.

"I don't see any of them that way, they're pretty much family." the pinkette shrugged in her khaki Capri's, yellow t-shirt, and black flats.

Tenten sighed. "Boys aren't the most important thing in the world, Ino. What you should really be asking about is the training!" The older girl was wearing a silk red kimono blouse with flowers and branches on the edge, a pair of navy blue baggy pants, and the standard shinobi sandals.

Hanabi perked up immediately. "Otousama has told oneesama, niisama, and I about how powerful that group is. What do they teach you?" The young heiress was wearing blue jean Capri's, standard shinobi sandals, a baby blue t-shirt, and a soft cream cardigan.

"Well... It depends on the person."

"W-wh-what d-d-d-do y-y-you m-mean S-sakura-chan?" Hinata was fiddling with the hem of her shirt, which was an ivory coloured blouse, a soft lavender ankle length skirt, and a pair of ballet flats.

"Well, most of the Akatsuki is comprised of nin from all different nations. Kiri has some great water jutsu's and Sasori-senpai has taught me how to use chakra strings."

"That sounds really useful for long range attacks!" Tenten chirped.

"It is. Sasuke-kun is trying to talk Kisame-san into getting him a sword from Kiri, but the man won't budge."

"I guess that pompous Uchiha doesn't always get what he wants." Hanabi sniffed smugly, crossing her arms with a cocky smile.

"Like she can talk." Ino scoffed quietly.

"What was that?!" Hanabi glared over at the blond.

"I didn't say anything." Ino lifted her nose in the air snootily.

"I heard you!"

"If you heard me say something then why are you asking?"

"Come on guys, let's just chill out." Tenten sighed. This was turning out to be worse than she had thought it would be.

How problematic.

"H-h-hanabi-chan..." Hinata tried.

"How about I show you some of the techniques I learned?" Sakura slid between the two. "After today if we have time, hm?"

Hanabi eyed her for a moment before finally backing down with a reluctant nod. She shot Ino another withering glare then turned her back with a swish of her brown hair, she resumed her conversation with Moegi.

"Hey look!" Karin pointed across the dirt road towards a small shop with a large group in front of it.

"What's that?" Ino squinted her eyes at the large group of girls.

"Let's check it out!" Tenten jogged ahead.

As the others trailed after her, Tenten tapped one of the girls furthest back in the cluster.

"Hey, what's going on?"

The girl turned around and scoffed with a flip of her shiny black 'Uchiha hair, then looked down her nose at Tenten.

Oh yeah, _definitely_ an Uchiha.

"How do you not know?" She sneered.

"Either answer the question or move on!" the brunette shot back.

"Obviously," Ino drawled. "She hasn't a clue about what's going on, let's ask someone else."

Karin grabbed the attention of a girl with dirty blond hair. "What's up with the crowd?"

"It's Orishi-sama! He's having a contest to find the prettiest girl in Konoha to be in his TV show!" She squealed.

"Matatashi Orishi?! The producer and writer of 'Kanojo no uragiri to ai'?!" Sakura grabbed her hair and started to hyperventilate. "I can't believe it... I don't... I have to enter!"

Ino and Hinata shivered at the intense glare in her eyes.

"Uh, Forehead? What about the spa?" Ino raised an eyebrow.

"Forget that! I have to win this, we can go to the spy anytime!" the pinkette flailed. "But there is no way in hell, don't tell kaasan I cursed, that I' am missing this opportunity."

"Like you could have a chance at winning when Orishi-san sees me, Ho ho ho!" the Uchiha girl chuckled.

"You look like a perverted drunk when you laugh like that." Karin deadpanned.

The girl stopped laughing immediately to glare. "Want to say that to my face, peasant?"

"If anyone here is a peasant it's you with that tacky conditioner you use." Hanabi smirked. "Your dead ends are giving me depression."

"I'm so proud." Ino sniffled, wiping her eyes.

"Whatever, It's not like you'll have a chance." She strutted off.

"Forget that cardboard copy Uchiha, Sakura!" Karin suddenly appeared in front of her. "She's just a cannon fodder background character."

"Stop breaking the fourth wall, Karin!" Ino snapped.

"That's right! You can do it, Sakura!" Tenten cheered.

"I believe in you Sakura-neechan!" Moegi cheered.

"I will not lose!" Fire lit up in her green eyes.


	26. Chapter 26

**I' am so sorry!**

 **Please forgive my negligence, I have been hiding in my room binge playing video games and completely ignored the world and I realized that I was still writing Fan Fiction.**

 **Again, Sorry.**

* * *

 **Chapter Twenty-Six: Kakuzu is my best friend**

* * *

It was in the study room where Kakuzu was counting money(again) and Hidan had just entered, sitting next to him at a computer desk, with no computer.

Hidan found that the sound of a computer grated Nagato's nerves so everyone had to use the three in the library instead. They weren't allowed in the study at all.

After ten minutes of silence Hidan turned towards his partner.

Hidan said suddenly. "You know Kakuzu, you're my best friend."

"Get away from me you creep." He said without looking up from counting his money.

"You're the only one who understands me, the only one I can count on when things go to shit, ya know?" He spoke as if the man hadn't.

Kakuzu continued counting money.

"You know," Hidan sighed softly. "We just fit together y'know? Like a fucked up puzzle piece."

Money shuffles around.

"I'd totally go gay for you."

Kakuzu stops moving abruptly causing Hidan to smirk.

Slowly the man turns to face the cretin next to him... then socks him in the jaw sending him flying into the bookcase hanging on the wall.

As he pulled himself up he couldn't help but think that it was worth it.

* * *

 **It just feels right whenever Hidan messes with Kakuzu.**


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter Twenty-Seven: Where is Kimimaro?**

* * *

A young teen with white hair and green eyes trudged through a swampy marsh.

He was doing something that required him to return to his homeland briefly, actually it was almost a year but those are just semantics.

Now he was returning to the Akatsuki after such a terribly long absence.

He wonders if they have gotten even crazier while he was gone.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter Twenty-Eight: Side Story Pt. 4 - Candid Confessions Or The Time Itachi Confessed**

* * *

 **Wednesday: Itachi**

 _"Salutations recording device."_ A handsome young man with long dark hair and eyes sat across from the camera. _"It is my turn for consultation."_

He shifted in mild discomfort. _"I fear I have become much more... devious in the company of the Akatsuki."_

 _"I had a foreboding feeling when I poured some of my shampoo, 'Ravenous Raven',"_ He paused briefly. _"It turns out that Hidan and Deidara had replaced my shampoo with blazing hot pink dye. Fortunately, Kakuzu, Obito, and Sasuke all use the same shampoo as I, so I swapped with one of theirs."_

His brow twitched minutely. _"It was uncharacteristic of me and I deeply regret my actions. My hair was in danger of being compromised, I took whatever actions necessary to protect my hair... as childish as that may seem."_

 _"To summarize, Kakuzu-san's hair is now an unsightly blazing pink that blinded all nearby in the bright light. He was rampaging and I had conveniently and inconspicuously led him to Hidan and Deidara's direction."_

He paused. _"I feel no remorse for the beating they suffered."_

 _Static._

 **Zabuza**

A tanned skin man with a white bandage covering his face sat in front of the camera.

 _"That blond kid got himself into a helluva shit storm! The kid thought he could get away after a prank he set up in the living room."_ He shook his head. _"He put vanilla pudding above a chair and the moment someone sat down it would fall down and land on the person. We as shinobi hone our skills to the highest degree, so something so simple would be easy to evade, but the kid was smart and put super glue in the seat."_

 _"Not only is Konan covered completely in a pudding flavor she hates, but her robe was ripped in the back, the thrashing he got was even more hilarious."_

 _"Zabuza, this is a confessional... You're suppose to admit secrets that weigh down on your mind."_ Kisame's voice filtered through the door.

 _"Why the hell would I do that?"_ The man snorted. _"That prank was way more interesting."_

 _Static._

 **Thursday: Kisame**

A man with blue hair, skin, and pupiless eyes sat in the chair with a bag of chips. _"Shit is going down in Kiri, I'm staying low until everything clears up."_

 _"I swear to you now, I didn't know that Iwa ambassador was allergic to blow fish."_ Kisame shrugged. _"Yagura-sama told me I have to stay low while he sorts through everything and tries to get Iwa off my back. Those Iwa bastards are always so uppity and want any damn reason to attack some damn body, I think it's because all the other nations can grow plants, but their crops struggle every year."_

The man sighed and shook his head. _"Jealous bastards."_

 _Static._

 **Sasuke**

 ** _"I. Hate. Deidara."_** A young boy with dark hair and eyes seethed in front of the camera. _"The moment I gain enough power I will destroy everything and take over as supreme ruler!"_

 _"No longer will I have to hold my tongue, I will rip theirs from between their teeth! I will stand above man and be labeled a god among all mortals, infinite power in my hands!"_

 _"Deidara will think rue the day he ever crossed my path! I will destroy him, I will stand for everything he hates and everything he FEARS-"_

"Sasuke, don't be dramatic." Naruto said from the other side of the door.

 _"It's really not that serious, Deidara didn't mean to walk in on your bath time with Akai-chan."_ Sakura spoke soothingly.

Naruto spoke up again. _"Even though he laughed."_

 _"No! I will make him suffer!"_

Itachi's voice was the next to filter through the door. _"Sasuke, It's time for lunch."_

 _"...Hn."_

 _Static._

 **Hidan**

A silverette sat across the camera with one leg across the other, arms crossed, and leaned back. _"I'm not really for all this sentimental bullshit, but that redheaded bitch is always running her mouth about it, so I was like: 'Why the hell not?'."_

 _"I don't really have any secrets since I just tell everybody what I feel anyway."_

 _"Like that time I replaced the non dairy cream cheese with dairy and Karin couldn't sit straight for the entire day. HA!"_

 _Static._


	29. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer: I own nothing and no one, if I did SO much would have been different.**

 **Wow. I haven't been here in like _forever_! I feel kinda bad for abandoning this story for as long as I did.  
Please, forgive this lowly human for her negligence!(*ﾟДﾟ*)**

 **I'll try to keep with my stories from now on. ((ﾉд`*)っ))**

* * *

 **Chapter Twenty-Nine: Let's start A band**

Back in Konohagakure we find a few of our wayward band of misfits gathered around a low set table inside a tea shop.

"Why am I here?" Kakuzu grumbled.

"Because you would be an awesome bass player." Hidan shrugged. "Konan's on guitar, I'm on drums, and Haku is on keyboard."

Kakuzu frowned. "I feel like I'm having deja vu."

Konan sighed.

"What about Itachi-san?" Haku asked.

Kakuzu raised an (unseen) eyebrow at the young prodigy, who had a plate of dango in front of him. "Hn."

"Isn't it obvious?" Hidan snorted. "He's the lead singer."

"Can he even sing?" Kakuzu asked.

"I know Konan can't and neither can I." Hidan shrugged. "You don't like to sing unless someone is filling your greedy pockets."

"You guys won't put money on the karaoke competitions anymore." Kakuzu slumped disparagingly.

"Anyway," Hidan eyed the man oddly for a moment. "So, Itachi is the lead singer."

"So, you don't know if Itachi-san can sing?" Konan raised a judgemental blue eyebrow. "Why not Haku-san?"

Sometimes he wanted to cut it off so she can't use her 'I'm-totally-judging-you-and-everything-you-do-is-stupid-and-not-completely-thought-through' eyebrow anymore.

"Oh... I couldn't do that!" Haku held her slowly reddening cheeks. "I'm too stage shy to be the center of attention."

"Hn." Was the only response from Itachi.

"Right." Hidan pumped his fist in the air. "So, let's do this!"

"I guess..." Konan sighed.

Itachi hummed. "We have already placed our order."

"Okay... we'll continue band practice after we eat!"

"Why do I bother with you people?"

Potential public humiliation has been avoided.

For now.

* * *

 **Thank you for reading and come again! I may update more today! ( ˘ ³˘)**


	30. Chapter 30

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

* * *

 **Chapter Thirty: Go Sakura! Win Sakura!**

Sakura giggled happily as she was dressed in a soft blue yukata, her hair was wrapped in a cute small ponytail, a silver comb with small emerald gems on the spine clipped in her hair.

"I've never seen you so excited about getting dressed up before, Forehead." Ino grinned at her as she tightened the bright yellow obi around her waist.

"Who cares about that?" Sakura smirked. "All I want is to win!"

"You're so ambitious Sakura-no-neechan!" Moegi gushed.

"I think that color looks really good on you." Tenten chirped.

Karin sniffed. "As long as you show that stuck up Uchiha whose better, I don't care what she looks like."

"How motivational..." Ino muttered.

"I-I have br-brought the s-sn-s-snacks." Hinata trotted in with a large tray of food, Hanabi behind her with drinks.

"Oooh!" Sakura squealed happily, shuffling forward on the small pedestal to reach the tray.

A hand snapped out and slapped her's away.

"Ow!" She swung her head around and glared at Ino.

"No food."

"That's just cruel," Tenten muttered, shaking her head.

Hanabi's eyes sharpened. "Like you can talk Piggy!"

"Watch your mouth, brat!"

"Whatever, I'm going to go see what Sasuke-kun is doing. Bye!"

"I don't think this is going to end well." Tenten sighed.

Ino had started yelling at Sakura for getting crumbs on her yukata, Sakura was yelling back at the blond. The pinkette was pushing Ino's head away as the blond tried to take her cookie.

The brunette shook her head slowly. "Not well at all."

* * *

 **I decided to update more chapters today. ＾▽＾**


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter Thirty-One: Side Story Pt. 5 - The Time Nagato Found Out About The Confessionals or The Time When They Had A Bonfire(But didn't)**

 **Sunday**

"I believe you all are aware as to why we are gathered here today?"

Suigetsu raised his hand with a razor-sharp smirk. "Are you and Konan finally getting married?"

Nagato shot him a droll look. "No."

"You can't keep a woman waiting like that!" Karin suddenly stood, outraged.

"There is no proposal or engagement, so stop asking!" Konan said briskly.

Hidan leaned over towards Kakuzu and whispered: " _Someone_ sounds a little pissy."

Kakuzu rolled his eyes.

"I meant," Nagato pulled out a box and revealed a few cases of CDs. "Your so-called 'confessionals'?"

Karin jumped up again. "Hey! You can't look at those, they're private!"

"Well, this is embarrassing." Sakura chuckled.

"What's gonna happen to them?" Naruto asked.

"We could just exploit every secret you all have confided in this camera" Nagato hummed. "Or we could watch every last video..."

There was the sound of a throat clearing in the dead silent room before Karin leaped forward, snatching the box from Nagato's hands and running out the door.

"I didn't think everyone went to those confessionals so frequently," Sakura said. "How mortifying."

"She's getting away with all of our secrets!" Suigestu shrieked.

Kisame shook his head. "I can't believe you made that sound."

"Right by my fucking ear..." Zabuza grumbled.

Nagato looked upon his subj-his subordinates...? (Ah 'co-workers' that's the word he was looking for) with bored eyes. "Konan and I have already reviewed the tapes."

"They're CDs not tapes, old man." Naruto quipped.

Nagato shot a blazing glare the boy's way, causing the blond to close his mouth with am audible ' _click_ '.

"We must find Karin-chan, she might do something drastic." Haku cut in before Nagato could try throwing things at his younger cousin.

"Like making a bonfire in the yard and tossing all the CDs into it?" Obito asked from the window where he stood. "Because that's what she's doing right now."

The group corraled around the window.

"She does realize that we're in Ame, right?" Zabuza asked.

"I don't believe so." Itachi murmured.

"It is hard to find dry _anything_ here." Kakuzu agreed.

"Stop attacking our villages weather pattern." The redhead was ignored.

Sakura pushed her face closer to the glass and squinted. "I don't think that's wood, It looks like cloth." The group leaned closer to the window as well, trying to get a better look.

Obito made a soft sound. "Those are the spare Akatsuki cloaks we keep in the basement closet."

"Basement? Is that why they always smell weird?" Hidan pulled his arm up to sniff his sleeve.

Zetsu gasped. "She's got the fire too **close to my fucking hibiscus!** "

Everyone jumped back when the man burst forward crashing through the window.

"Great," Kakuzu drawled. "Another damn expense."

"Isn't that what money is for?" Hidan asked.

"Don't ask stupid questions!"

* * *

 **Ah, Kakuzu. If only I had your penny-pinching ways, I would not have suffered the cruel reality that is Capitalism. ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´(00)`ﾟ)ﾟ｡**

 **Anywho, thnx for reading!・:*:・(●´Д｀●)・:*:・**


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter Thirty-Two: Deidara Can't Behave In Public**

"Kiri's wood is damp and splits apart at the slightest bit of pressure, Kumo has large, sturdy trees, but their lightning techniques severely damage the roots of the best trees!" Sasori said the last bit offhandedly. "Konoha has strong trees, so that's a good option as well, but Suna, even with the way our ecosystem is things still grow. Jiro-san has the best wood in Kaze no Kuni, I still don't know what he uses to cure the wood."

Kankuro watched with wide eyes as his idol and mentor spoke. "Ooh."

"So you see Kankuro, that is why I still buy my wood from Suna, it's the strongest and sturdiest kind in all the elemental nations. It has to be with severe heat and sand as the environment."

Sasori glanced to his left where a serene Gaara sat drinking tea. "No offense." His response was a slow blink, the elder nodded and pat the boys head.

Kankuro nodded seriously as he absorbed everything that the red-haired man had told him. Sasori had taken his godson and non-godchildren out for lunch in Konoha after their travels, Deidara had tagged along like a leech. Gaara was sitting by a window on Sasori's left while Kankuro sat on his right, Temari was across from Gaara and Deidara was next to her.

"What about Iwa?" Kankuro questioned.

"They are irrelevant, the lands environment is barren and is only good for hot springs and bamboo stalks." Sasori sniffed haughtily. "Nothing more."

"So Suna is most known for puppeteers because of our environment, Sasori-Jii?"

"That's common knowledge and all other villages are obsolete. Puppeteers are best known for blending in, no matter our surroundings."

"Your village is mainly comprised of long-distance fighters, un." Deidara glared across the table. Large tick marks were appearing on his forehead.

"As you can see by Deidara's rude and violent personality that he is an Iwa shinobi," Sasori spoke disdainfully. "He is also a long-distance fighter, he is very susceptible to close-range combat."

"Come over here and fight me, un!" The blond flipped the table hard enough that it flew out the window.

Temari stared with wide eyes at the broken window then turned her attention to the man next to her. "Nice going jackass."

For the first time since they sat down, Gaara spoke in a low, raspy tone: "My tea."

"Tch. How barbaric." Sasori drawled. "I'll buy you another cup Gaa-chan."

Sasori and the Sabaku siblings all gave him the same haughty look that was a mix between disapproval, boredom, and snobbery.

Evil Sand Bastards.


End file.
